“Rip me! Rip me!”
– Cora, The Postman Always Rings Twice
Ophelia: Rip me. [Hamlet rips her blouse.] Again . . . again. [He does, he does.]
Hamlet: That was either my sixteenth-century fingers, or your sixteenth-century bodice.
Ophelia: My bodice, baby! Rip me! Rip me!
Hamlet: I already did. I already did.
Ophelia: You’re so hot. Let’s kill my dad..
Ophelia: He’s a perv and talks like an Elizabethan.
Hamlet: So do you.
Ophelia: I know. Rip me. [Hamlet rips her bodice.] I saw him in my bedchamber fingering my knickers.
Hamlet: Oh man, I’ll stab him in the arras.
Ophelia: The ass?
Hamlet: The arras – the curtain. I’ll stab him when he’s hiding behind the arras.
Ophelia: You talking Elizabethan?
Ophelia: That’s why you’re italicizing?
Hamlet: Uh huh.
Ophelia: Grrr. Rip me.
Hamlet: Wait – Here he cometh.
Hamlet: What the hell? That’s mom’s bedchamber. What kind of kinky-ass . . . Hey, yo! Polo! Wassup with the Peeping Tom? You peeping on the queen-my-mother, my-father’s-brother’s-lover?”
Polonius [Clutching his heart]: Sire, I assure thee –
Hamlet [Drawing his sword]: I’ll assure you.
Polonius: Neither a borrower nor a lender be.
Hamlet: You talking like Ben Franklin, old man?
Polonius: Be thou familiar but by no means vulgar.
Hamlet: Wait a minute – That’s Elizabethan.
Ophelia: Rip me?
Polonius: Beware of entrance to a quarrel –
Polonius: – but being in, bear it that the opposed may beware of thee.
Polonius: This above all –
Hamlet [Running his sword through Polonius]: A rat!
Polonius [Dying]: To thine own self be true.
Ophelia: [Regarding her fallen father]: You killed him.
Ophelia: That’s hot.
Ophelia: Rip me.
Hamlet: Later, babe. Right now, I got an uncle that needs killing.