Jun 132012
 
Paperback 537: Dell 542 (1st ptg, 1951)

Title: Fools Die on Friday
Author: A.A. Fair (aka Erle Stanley Gardner)
Cover artist: Robert Stanley

Yours for: not for sale (donation to the collection), but FYI, it's prolly worth about $30

Dell542.FoolsFri_0001
Best things about this cover:
  • Reader K. Harvey was helping clean out the house of a friend's aunt and she came across a treasure trove of old paperbacks. She offered to send them to me. I accepted. So a couple days ago I got a box crammed full of Fair/Gardner books (as well as some Leslie Charteris / "Saint" stuff), all of which are in good-to-great condition. There must be 35-40 books in all. A generous donation, from which we will all benefit—I'll try to post all the covers here, sometimes 2 or 3 at a time (to highlight certain stylistic trends) over the course of the summer, while still moving steadily through my collection (don't want to overdose on Gardner). 
  • I lead with this cover because it is legendary. Future editions of this book will button her shirt and hide her panties, making her look far more elegant, far less slatternly. I.e. yawn. Behold:
  • "... just enough to cover yourself ..." Well, I guess she's ready then.
  • I love old half-face there on the left. In particular, his tie. And his eyes. He's doing that "I can magically see behind me" thing that people on paperback covers and in soap operas sometimes do. He looks like every man Robert Stanley ever drew, i.e. like Mike Shayne.
  • If it weren't for the boobs, I'd have to say "cross-dresser."


Dell542bc.FoolsFri

Best things about this back cover:
  • Mapback!
  • "Real clues" — none of the fake stuff for us, thanks.
  • BALLWIN looks allllll kinds of wrong.
  • Love the building cutaway—like a giant just tore the top half of the apartment off.

Page 123~

She pushed back her stenographic chair, walked over to a shelf, whipped out a map, and placed it on the counter.

I am slightly in love with the phrase "stenographic chair," which I did not realize until just now was a thing.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]
Jun 032012
 
Paperback 534: Airmont SF3 (1st ptg, 1963)

Title: Lords of Atlantis
Author: Wallace West
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $10

AirmSF3.Atlantis
Best things about this cover:
  • To judge by this cover, Lords of Atlantis were a short-lived New Wave band who died of ennui.
  • "The camera's over here guys ... guys? ... aw fuck it, just take the shot."
  • You can tell the dude with the '60s iPod / '80s cell phone attached to the back of his space helmet wrote all their music and is just biding his time until he can go solo / write the score for "Inception 5: The Receptioning."


AirmSF3bc.Atlant

Best things about this back cover:
  • More like "Snores of Atlantis"—this story would be a lot more interesting if Jeannie were in that bottle.


Page 123~
"There's a screen in the Bab El engine room," she exclaimed as she manipulated the visor dials. "I must try to tell Refo that I do forgive him. I'll never sleep again if I don't."
"They say this cat Refo is a bad mother... / SHUT YOUR MOUTH! / I'm talkin' 'bout Refo! / NO SERIOUSLY SHUT YOUR MOUTH THAT GUY'S AN IDIOT!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]
Apr 282012
 
Paperback 521: Signet P2735 (1st ptg, 1966)

Title: The Man with the Golden Gun
Author: Ian Fleming
Cover artist: Barye Phillips

Yours for: $6


SigP2735.GoldGun
Best things about this cover:
  • James Bond subdues the 50-Foot Woman ... with sexy results.
  • Damn the '60s, with their "words" crowding out all the luscious artistry. I can't believe the great Barye Phillips' work has been reduced (literally and metaphorically) to this. It's like his art is being chewed by the bloody fangs of the words, while also being attacked by a golden word-buzzsaw.
  • Her ass is so hot it's literally steaming.


SigP2735bc.GoldGun
Best things about this back cover:
  • NOTHING!
  • Ah, "bordello," you seldom-used, beautiful word.
  • "Aided by his sex-galore confederate" is a brilliant phrase, I'll give the copy writer that.

Page 123~

Amused by his thoughts, Bond's right hand came out of his pocket and lit a cigarette for him, quietly and obediently. It had stopped going off chasing rabbits on its own.

I'm kind of stuck on how a "hand" gets "amused."

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]
Apr 212012
 
Paperback 519: Avon 139 (1st ptg, 1947)

Title: Liza of Lambeth
Author: W. Somerset Maugham
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $7

Avon139.Liza
Best things about this cover:

  • Liza of Lamboobs!
  • Vincent Van Gogh positions himself for optimal boob viewing. "Sunflowers, Shmunflowers. I'm painting these!"
  • Vincent Van Gogh, Incompetent Vampire!
  • I remember these swirly popsicle thingies that mom used to buy. I associate them with that one time I was so sick (1981) that I couldn't keep much down. Anyway, popsicle color + memory of barfing = where the background of this painting takes my brain.



Avon139bc.Liza
Best things about this back cover:

  • Shakespeare-Head!
  • We've seen all this before.

Page 123~
"I never 'ad any money from anyone."
"Don't talk ter me; I know yer did. Yer dirty bitch. You oughter be ashimed of yerself tikin' a married man from 'is family, an' 'im old enough ter be yer father."
This whole scene is like a Cockney Jerry Springer episode.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]
Apr 022012
 
Paperback 514: Wizard 408 (PBO, 1967)

Title: Restless Women
Author: John Falcone
Cover artist: Uncredited [awfully Gene Bilbrew-esque]

Yours for: Not for Sale (Gift to the Collection from Doug Peterson)


Wiz408.RestlessWom
Best things about this cover:
  • What is it with the seriously ugly dudes on these covers lately. Looks like someone put a rubber mask on that guy and then punched him in the face til he died.
  • He's dead, lady. He doesn't care about your stupid seashell fan.
  • So they've brought a mattress and a ... turkey? game hen? ... to the beach?
  • Top woman's body is insane. Looks more like braided challah than human flesh.
  • Looks like half of your "four-woman harem" has gone missing already, buddy. You kind of suck at this. Maybe you should wake up. Oh, right, you're dead.



Wiz408bc.RestlessW
Best things about this back cover:
  • Magenta woman stands under giant magenta feather / waterfall. No one knows why.
  • If you never thought there was such a thing as "appositive abuse," check out that third paragraph.
  • "Nocturnal nude swim" = when technical writers are hired to write porn.

Page 123~

But as Lola went on, he made a conscious effort to shut it out of his mind. This kind of drivel could spoil a man's breakfast. He motioned to the waiter for more coffee. Lola kept droning on. If she was an actress, he was a giraffe.

If the front cover illustration is anything to go on, I'm buying "giraffe" before I'm buying "Movie hero" who juggles "four demanding sex machines at once." I mean, have you tried juggling sex machines?! Very slippery.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

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