May 142013
 

Happy publication day to Richard Lange’s ANGEL BABY! In Guggenheim Fellowship recipient Lange’s explosive new thriller, a woman on the run, a brutal crime lord, and three desperate men collide. Praised in Mystery Scene as  “a truly great read [with] the momentum of rolling thunder,” raved in Kirkus as “sharply calibrated and affecting,” and hailed by Ron Rash as “suspenseful and surprisingly moving,” Lange’s newest is a major step forward for the already much-lauded author. But don’t take our word for it–take a sneak peek at the opening pages of ANGEL BABY below…

1

Luz didn’t think things through the first time she tried to get away. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision. One night Rolando beat her so badly that she peed blood, and the next morning, as soon as he and his bodyguards left the house, she limped downstairs and out the front door, across the yard, and through the gate in the high concrete fence that surrounded the property.

Barefoot and wearing only panties and a black silk robe, she stumbled down the street, trying to hail a taxi. The drivers slowed and stared, but none would stop. Tears of frustration blurred her vision. She tripped and fell but got quickly back to her feet. Scraped knees and skinned palms wouldn’t keep her from Isabel’s third birthday party. She was determined to be there, no matter what. She’d appear at the front door with a giant pink cake and an armful of gifts and, oh, wouldn’t Isabel be surprised to see her?

Maria, the housekeeper, stuck her head out of the gate and shouted for her to stop. Luz tried to run, but the pills that got her through the day back then made her feel like she was slogging through mud. Maria caught up to her before she reached the corner and grabbed her by the hair. Luz fought back, kicking and clawing, but then El Toro, the house guard, was there too.

“Help me,” Luz called to a man on a bicycle. “Please,” to a woman pushing a stroller, but they, like the taxi drivers, ignored her. This was Tijuana, see, and if you valued your life and the lives of your family, you minded your own business. El Toro and Maria dragged her back to the house. They locked her in her room and laughed at her vows to get even.

Rolando killed her dog when they told him that she’d run away. He stormed into the bedroom and yanked Pepito from her arms, placed the heel of his boot on the toy poodle’s head, and crushed its skull. Then he forced Luz to the floor, twisted her arms up behind her back, and raped her there on the white shag carpet.

“Why do you make me do these things?” he screamed at her when he finished. “Why do you make me hate myself?”

It will be different this time. In the year since she last made a run for it, Luz has been putting together a plan, and now, finally, she’s ready. Isabel turns four next Tuesday, and Mommy will be there to watch her blow out the candles on her birthday cake, or Mommy will die trying.

*

She pretends to be asleep when Rolando comes out of the bathroom. He squeezes her foot through the sheet.

“Hey, Sleepy, time for breakfast.”

“Mmmmm,” Luz says. “Give me a minute.”

He’s dressed for business in a dark suit, white shirt, and shiny black cowboy boots. Luz has consulted the calendar on his desk and committed today’s schedule to memory: An 11 a.m. meeting at Las Rocas Resort with Mr. Volkers from San Diego to talk about opening another KFC franchise. Lunch at the same place with Alvarez, his attorney, then on to Ensenada to see Flaco. Though it says on the calendar that they’ll be discussing horses, the real topic will be a shipment of heroin from Apatzingán. Luz has been listening closely to her husband over the last year and has learned all of his nicknames and code words. So Flaco and the dope, and afterward dinner with the whore he keeps down there. This means he won’t be home until at least nine.

When he goes downstairs, Luz crawls out of bed and walks into the bathroom to wash her face. The room still reeks of his shit. She brushes her long black hair until it shines, lifting it off the back of her neck to glance at the words tattooed there, Angel Baby. She convinced Rolando to let her get the tattoo by telling him it was her pet name for him. In reality, it’s the title of a song she used to sing to Isabel during the year they had together. She’s been careful never to let Rolando find out about the little girl because she knows he’d use anything she loved as a weapon against her or a chain to bind her more tightly to him.

Wrapping herself in a white robe, she leaves the bedroom. Her footsteps echo in the two-story foyer as she walks down the marble staircase. On the street Rolando is known as El Príncipe, the Prince, and this is his palace. A four-thousand-square-foot house with five bedrooms, six bathrooms, faux granite and gold leaf everywhere, leather and stainless steel. Everything is expensive but nothing goes with anything else. Rolando decorated by pointing at pictures in magazines. A fake Picasso hangs above a scorpion made of rusted iron. A $10,000 couch from Milan sits between two La-Z-Boy recliners with massage motors and heated cushions. And the house itself is so poorly constructed, new cracks appear in the walls every day. It’s a stucco-and-laminate fantasy that won’t last much longer than Rolando does.

He stands and pulls out a chair for her when she enters the dining room. Such a gentleman this morning. It’s because she let him fuck her last night and even went to the trouble of thrashing and moaning as if she were enjoying it. She wants him to think  everything is perfect between the two of them when he leaves today. She fumbles with her napkin, yawns, and looks somewhat confused about exactly where she is, playing the stoned princess to the hilt. It’s an act she’s perfected in the six months since she managed to wean herself off the pills, the Xanax and Valium, Vicodin and Oxycontin, that used to keep her from adding up her sins and hanging herself in the shower.

She threw away the dope because she needed a clear head to plan her escape and because she didn’t want to be strung out when she finally got free, but she’s kept Rolando thinking that she’s using. He’d become suspicious if he discovered she’d stopped, and besides, he likes her high. It makes him feel superior.

He returns to his chair across the table from her, and she smiles and asks in a sleepy baby voice when he’s going to take her shopping for the shoes she showed him on TV the other night.

“Shoes?” he says. “You think I have time to think about shoes?”

She plays the game, scrunching her face into a pout and whining, “But you said, Papi. You said I could have them.”

“I did?”

“You know you did. But when?”

“How about when we fly to Acapulco this weekend?”

“Acapulco!” Luz exclaims and claps her hands.

It wasn’t easy quitting the drugs. In fact, to this day there are moments like this when her mind and body beg for the distance they provided. When this happens, she conjures the face of her daughter and prays to it as fervently as a primitive supplicating the only star in a pitch-black sky.

Maria bustles in from the kitchen carrying a platter of pan dulce and a bowl of fruit salad.

“Good morning, señora,” she says to Luz, sweet as can be. They’ve made peace since Luz tried to walk away, or at least Maria thinks they have. Luz has done her best to convince the housekeeper that she barely remembers that day, but she still can’t tell if she’s bought it. The woman is hard to read.

Maria lifts the carafe from the table and fills Luz’s cup with coffee. The sleeve of her blouse slides up to reveal a scar on her arm. It’s from an injury she got in prison, where she did time for fencing stolen goods. She was the mother of one of Rolando’s boyhood friends, a kid named Gato who was killed early in Rolando’s rise. Gato made Rolando swear he’d take care of his mother if anything happened to him, and Rolando kept the promise by hiring the woman to oversee his household.

“Do you need anything else, señora?” Maria asks Luz.

“No, gracias,” Luz replies.

“Señor?”

“No, Maria. Gracias,” Rolando says.

The woman returns to the kitchen, and Rolando spoons fruit salad onto a plate and hands the plate to Luz. One of the parrots he keeps caged in the living room squawks, “My name is Gladiator! My name is Gladiator!”

“Where are you going, all dressed up?” Luz says.

“To fight a bull, what do you think,” Rolando says, then bites into a pastry.

Luz pokes at her fruit. Her stomach is tight with anticipation and worry, but she manages to swallow a piece of pineapple, makes sure Rolando sees her eating.

“And you?” he says with food in his mouth, the fucking pig. “Let me guess: a massage? A manicure?”

“Both,” Luz says with a laugh. “Why not?”

“It’s a good life, no?”

“A good life,” Luz says, the words burning her tongue. She reaches across the table and takes one of Rolando’s hands in both of hers.

Rolando lifts a red rose from the vase on the table and slips it into her hair above her ear. He smiles and starts to say something tender, but then his phone rings, and his eyes go ice-cold. The human thing is all an act. He can turn it on and off like that. What he is inside is a monster, a shark, something soulless and ravenous. He stands and walks out of the room, barks “Qué?” into the phone.

El Toro, the guard who helped drag Luz back last year, lumbers in and grabs a sugary concha off the plate of pastries. Luz can feel the man’s contempt for her, the boss’s dope-fiend whore of a wife, has always felt it.

“Tell El Príncipe the car is ready,” he says before walking back to the kitchen.

Luz passes the message on to Rolando when he finishes the call. He kisses her on the forehead and leaves without another word. She watches from the window as he climbs into the Escalade with Ozzy and Esteban. El Toro opens the heavy iron gate and gives a quick wave as the truck drives out.

And, so, it’s time.

*

Her first stop is the bedroom, where she turns on the television and crawls between the sheets again like she does every morning. Today, though, her fists are clenched and sweaty, her legs tensed to run.

At 10:15 there’s a knock at the door.

“Yes,” she croaks, making her voice froggy.

Maria pokes her head in. “Any laundry, señora?”

Luz motions to the bathroom without looking away from the TV and ignores Maria as she walks in and empties the hamper into a plastic bag and walks out again. She begins counting to thirty after the housekeeper closes the door but only gets to ten before she can’t stand it anymore and pops out of bed.

She has fifteen minutes to make her escape. She knows Maria’s and El Toro’s schedules as well as she knows Rolando’s: Maria will be in the laundry room at the back of the house, and El Toro sneaks off to the garage every day from 10 to 10:30 to watch a soap opera on a little TV he keeps out there.

She dresses quickly in jeans, a T-shirt, and tennis shoes. No makeup, no jewelry. A fleece jacket and a pink baseball cap, nothing more, go into a zebra-striped backpack, something a child would carry to school. She’s traveling fast and light. Anything else she needs she can pick up when she reaches the U.S. Heart pounding, she opens the door and checks the hall, then quietly descends the stairs. A radio plays in the room where Maria is sorting clothes, the DJ telling a dirty joke.

When she reaches the ground floor, she hurries to Rolando’s office and slips inside. On the walls are shelves of books the man has never read, the heads of animals somebody else shot, and paintings of sailing ships and knights in armor bought in bulk by a decorator. The only personal addition is a large framed photograph of a dark-haired woman lying nude on a bed, legs spread wide. Rolando likes to tell people that it reminds him of Luz.

As soon as the door closes behind her, Luz relaxes a bit. She’s been in here on numerous dry runs during the past few months, and now it’s only a matter of following her plan. She goes to the big wooden desk and picks up the letter opener, a German World War II dagger with a swastika engraved on the handle, and uses it to pry open the lock on the top drawer. Inside is a fluorescent green Post-it with the name Angelina and a phone number scrawled on it. Angelina is the name Rolando’s mother gave to a daughter who died more than twenty years ago, the one the whole family now reveres as a stillborn saint, and the number, entered backward, is the combination to the wall safe, which is hidden behind a painting of a wolf hunt: men with fur hats riding in sleds, rifles, bloody snow.

Luz sets the painting on the floor and punches the numbers into the safe’s keypad. The lock clicks, and the safe swings open. Inside are stacks and stacks of rubber-banded U.S. currency, hundreds and twenties, and a shiny silver gun, Rolando’s custom-engraved, silver-plated Colt .45. Snakes twine around skulls on the barrel, and an image of Santa Muerte is carved in ivory on the grip. Luz transfers the money, all of it, to the backpack and lays the gun on top. Bowing her head, she murmurs a childhood prayer, and God’s name is still on her lips as she grabs the pack, stands, and opens the office door.

“You dropped this, señora,” Maria says, holding out the rose that Rolando stuck in Luz’s hair at breakfast. “Out here, in the hallway.”

El Toro stands behind the woman, a mean grin on his ugly face. He’s looking forward to hurting her. Both of them are. And then Rolando will finish the job.

Luz backs up and reaches into the pack for the .45. Rolando taught her how to use it on the house’s basement firing range. At first he had to force her, because she couldn’t stand the sound and the thump in her chest when the gun went off, but over the past year, thinking it was a skill that might come in handy during her escape, she’s practiced whenever she could and become a pretty decent shot.

She racks the slide and points the .45 with both hands, doesn’t flinch at the BOOM BOOM BOOM when she squeezes the trigger. Maria flies backward into El Toro, a jagged black hole under her left eye, a bloody volcano erupting out of the back of her head. The other two rounds hit El Toro in the chest and throat. He and the housekeeper go down together, tangled in death.

The horror of what she’s just done paralyzes Luz for an instant, like an icy hand suddenly gripping her neck. When she can move again, she drops the gun into the backpack and steps over the bodies, being careful not to look down at them. There’s only one thought in her head: Isabel. When the big front door doesn’t open on the first try, she panics and jerks the knob a few times before realizing that the deadbolt is engaged. A second later she’s on the porch. Four seconds later she’s out the gate and on the street. Ten seconds later she’s gone, another scrap swept up in the noisy, stinking whirl of the city.

Richard Lange is the author of the story collection Dead Boys, which received the Rosenthal Family Foundation Award from the American Academy of Arts and Letters, and the novel This Wicked World. He is the recipient of a Guggenheim Fellowship, and his fiction has appeared in the Best American Mystery Stories 2004 and 2011. He lives in Los Angeles.

Apr 302013
 

The day has finally come–the long-awaited conclusion to the Charlie Hardie series, POINT & SHOOT, is now on sale in bookstores everywhere. Can’t wait until the workday ends to get your fix? Take a sneak peek at the opening pages of the award-winning Hardie trilogy’s slam-bang final chapter. Then go pick up a copy already!

1

This isn’t going to have a happy ending.

Morgan Freeman, Se7en

Near Brokenland Parkway, Columbia, Maryland—Seven Months Ago

A twenty-three-year-old hungover intern with a broken heart saved the day.

The intern’s name was Warren Arbona, and he was in a stuffy warehouse along with five other interns scanning endless pieces of paper and turning them into PDFs that nobody would ever, ever fucking read. The whole operation was strictly cover-your-ass. The interns’ bosses wanted to be able to tell their government liaisons that, yes, every page of the flood of declassified documents they released had been carefully read and scanned by an experienced member of their legal team.

“Experienced” = interns who’d been on the job for at least two months.

The new president had made a big deal about declassifying everything, the shining light of freedom blasting through the deceptions of the previous administration. A democracy requires accountability, he said, and accountability requires transparency. Which sounded awesome.

But before the PDFs could be uploaded, the president’s intelligence advisers insisted that no sensitive secrets harmful to the security of the United States would be leaked to the general public. This still was the real world.

So a white-shoe law firm specializing in government intelligence was retained to painstakingly review every line on every scrap of paper.

Nobody in the firm wanted to deal with that bullshit, so they put the interns on it.

And Warren Arbona, the intern in question, wouldn’t have noticed a thing if it hadn’t been for his cunt ex-girlfriend. He couldn’t help it. The name just jumped out at him.

He stopped the scan and looked at the paper again. Were his eyes playing tricks on him?

Nope. There it was.

Charlie Hardie.

No, it wasn’t Christy’s dad. Her dad was named Bruce or some such shit. Balding. Big asshole. Deviated septum and beady eyes. But this Charlie guy was an uncle, maybe? Some other relative? Warren had no idea.

And really, who the fuck cared. Christy didn’t matter anymore; he’d do best to put her out of his head and finish up with this scanning so he could go home and get good and drunk again.

They were all working inside the abandoned warehouse set of a canceled television show, Baltimore Homicide. The rent was absurdly cheap, and the set already had the delightful bonus of real desks and working electrical outlets, thanks to a subplot featuring a fake daily newspaper office.

So all the law firm had to do was arrange for the reams of paper—nearly three trucks’ worth—to be backed into the building, plug in a bunch of laptops and scanners, and then set the interns loose. See you in September, motherfuckers.

The working conditions were less than ideal. While an industrial AC unit blasted 60,000 BTUs of arctic air into the fake office via ringed funnels, the warehouse itself had diddly-squat in the way of climate management. So every time you left to drag in another set of files, you baked and sweated in the stifling summer heat. And then when you returned, your sweat was flash-frozen on your body. No wonder everybody was sick.

Warren had been fighting a cold since May, when he first started scanning the documents. He believed that if he polluted his body with enough tequila, the cold virus would give up and abandon ship. So far, it hadn’t worked.

But the tequila also helped him forget about Christy Hardie.

Almost.

Now the name popped up, and Warren couldn’t help but be curious. He started to read the document, which was a deposition.

Seems Charlie Hardie was an ex–police consultant turned drunk house sitter who was later accused of snuffing a junkie actress named Lane Madden.

Warren kind of wished someone had snuffed Christy after she confessed that she’d been blowing his best friend for, oh, the entire first year of law school.

Anyway, Warren remembered the Lane Madden story from a bunch of years ago. Apparently she’d been raped and killed by this house sitter guy who used to be a cop and kind of lost his mind. But the rest of the deposition was kind of boring, so Warren stopped reading and fed the pages into the scanner. Yes, they were all supposed to eyeball each page—even the partners weren’t foolish enough to tell the interns to actually read them. But Warren and his colleagues dispensed with the eyeballing crap somewhere in late May. If fingers touched a page, it was considered read. Osmosis, they decided.

Warren looked at the clock. Just two more hours until his brain went south of the border.

But at fifteen minutes until closing, something strange happened.

Warren saw the name again, in another deposition, from another year.

Charlie Hardie.

The same fucking dude!

But a totally different file!

To have the same name pop up…with the same surname as his skanky cunt ex-girlfriend…well, that was too big a goocher to ignore.

There wasn’t time to read it all, so Warren broke a series of federal laws by stuffing the relevant pages into his North Face backpack and slipped out of the building a few minutes early. He made his Jose Cuervo run, put his feet up on a wobbly Ikea coffee table that was improperly assembled, and settled in for an evening of reading.

Now when Warren had started the scanning project, the partners had told him to look out for anything “unusual.” Like what, Warren had asked.

You know, they’d said. Unusual.

This seemed to qualify.

Charlie Hardie, it seemed, had also been involved in a top-secret military project years before he’d been accused of killing that actress. And not just your usual creepy top-secret military project. This one messed around you with at a genetic level and resulted in…well, that was the frightening part. Few survived, and the project was shut down. Dumb fucking luck? Not likely. Warren didn’t believe in synchronicity. Exhibit A seemed pretty clearly linked to Exhibit B.

This made Warren’s night, because all summer he’d been dreading the idea of not reporting a single thing to the partners. This would prove he hadn’t been dicking around all summer (even though he had). This was a genuine catch. This was justification for his summer. For his entire life.

The next morning he pushed the scanner aside and wrote a short memo, including his thoughts on the Charlie Hardie depositions, then copied it and Fed Exed it to the partners.

The partners, also happy to be able to report something to their friends in intelligence, passed it along.

This document would later be known as the Arbona Memorandum. Its shock waves would be felt around the globe.

But at first, it started with a brutal mass slaughter in Philadelphia.

*

One Mile Outside Philadelphia—Now

Of all the shocks Kendra Hardie had endured over the past few hours—the dropped call from her son, the chilling messages on the alarm keypad, the thudding footfalls on the roof, the wrenching sounds in the very guts of her house, the missing gun, and the awful realization of how quickly her situation had become hopeless—none of that compared to the shock of hearing that voice on the other end of the phone line:

“It’s me.”

Kendra’s mind froze. There was a moment of temporal dislocation, distant memory colliding with the present.

Me.

Could that really be…you?

It sounds like you, but…

No.

Can’t be you.

But then how do I know, deep in my soul, that it is you?

“Are you there? Listen to me, Kendra, I know this is going to sound crazy, but you have to listen to me. You and the boy are in serious danger. You need to get out of the house now and just start driving. Drive anywhere. Don’t tell me where, because they’re definitely listening, but just go, go as fast as you can. I’ll find you guys when it’s safe.”

Kendra swallowed hard, looked at the face of the satellite TV receiver. Three thirteen a.m. A little more than four hours since she’d stepped into own home and into a living nightmare. Eighteen hours since she’d last seen her son. And almost eight years since she’d last heard her ex-husband’s voice. Yet there it was on the line, at the very nexus of the nightmare.

“Kendra? Are you there? Can you hear me?”

“I’m here, Charlie. But I can’t leave.”

“You have to leave, Kendra, please just trust me on this…”

“I can’t leave because they’ve already called, and told me I can’t leave.”

*

Earlier in the evening Kendra had been out with a friend downtown, at a Cuban restaurant on Second Street in Old City, but found that she wasn’t really into the food, didn’t want to finish her mojito, and was tired of hearing about her friend’s first-world problems, such as arguments with interior decorators and the headache of maintaining three vacation homes on the Delaware shore. Kendra excused herself and just…left. Paid for half of the tab and split, handed the valet her stub, and drove back to the northern suburbs, leaving poor Derek to complain to somebody else about having too much money. Maybe one of the Cuban exile waiters would give a shit.

It had been that kind of listless, annoyance-filled week, and Kendra now felt foolish for thinking that a night of moderate drinking and inane conversation could turn that around.

During the drive home her son, CJ, called. He told her he was just calling to check in—which was just about as unusual as the president of the United States dropping you an email to see how everything was going. CJ didn’t check in, ever. As CJ grew to manhood, he became increasingly like his father, complete with the delightful ability to cut off all emotional circuitry with the flick of an invisible switch. All the abuse her son had been dishing out over the years hardened her into exactly the kind of mother she’d vowed never to become. The kind of mother who said things like:

“Cut the shit, CJ. What happened?”

“Nothing, Mom. I just…”

Mom. Oooh, that was another red flag. CJ hadn’t called her Mom in…months? CJ barely spoke to her, and when he did, it was little more than a grunt.

Now a tiny ball of worry began to form in Kendra’s stomach. Was he hurt? Was he calling from a hospital or police station? Her body tensed, and she prepared to change direction and gun the accelerator.

“Where are you?”

“I’m at home, everything’s fine. Look, Mom, I know this is going to sound weird, but…what did you do with Dad’s old stuff?”

“What? Why are you asking me about that?’

First Mom, now…Dad!? For the past seven years, CJ hadn’t referred to his father as anything but “asshole” or “cocksucker” or “psycho.” Before Kendra had a chance to hear CJ’s answer, the phone beeped and went dead. no service.

Kendra continued in the same direction but gunned the accelerator just the same, all the way up the Schuylkill Expressway, then the endless traffic lights up Broad Street and finally the hills and curves of Old York Road out to the fringes of Abington Township. Home. She didn’t bother pulling the car into the garage, leaving it parked out on the street. Something in CJ’s voice…no, everything about CJ’s voice was completely wrong. Dad’s old stuff? What was that about? Why did he suddenly want to see the few possessions his father had left behind? The thought that CJ might be drinking crossed Kendra’s mind, but his voice wasn’t slurred. If anything, it was completely clear and focused, in stark contrast to the moody grunts she usually received.

And whenever CJ did go on a binge, his heart filled with raw hate for this father, not fuzzy nostalgia.

“CJ?”

The alarm unit on the wall to the left of the door beeped insistently until Kendra keyed in the code. She closed the door behind her, locked it, then reengaged the system. It beeped again. All set.

“CJ, answer me!”

And then began the nightmare.

No CJ, not anywhere. No trace of him in his room, no tell-tale glasses or dishes in the sink. The house was exactly as Kendra had left it when she left for Old City earlier in the evening. Had CJ even called from home? The call had come from his cell, so he could be anywhere right now.

Not knowing what else to do, Kendra tried him again on her phone, but still—NO SERVICE. What was that about? She could understand a dropped call when speeding down the Schuylkill, as if a guardian angel had interfered with the signal to prevent you from sparking a twelve-car pile-up on the most dangerous road in Philadelphia. But in her own home?

Maybe she could get a better signal outside. Kendra went back to the front door and keyed in the code. Two digits in, however, her finger stopped, and hung in midair before the 6 key.

The digital readout, which usually delivered straightforward messages such as SYSTEM ENGAGED or PLEASE ENTER ACCESS CODE, now told her something else:

STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE

“The fuck?” Kendra muttered, then lowered her finger for a second before blinking hard and stabbing the 6 button anyway, followed by the 2. Which should have disengaged the system. This time, however, there was no reassuring beep. There was nothing at all, except:

KENDRA, THAT WON’T HELP.

Then:

DON’T MAKE A SOUND.

DON’T MOVE.

NOT UNTIL WE CALL YOU.

And Kendra, much to her own disgust, did exactly as she was told, staying perfectly still and silent…

…for about two seconds, before realizing fuck this and grabbing the handle of her front door. She twisted the knob, pulled. The door didn’t move, as if it had been cemented in place. What? She hadn’t put the deadbolts on when she’d come in just a minute ago…

The phone in her hand buzzed to life. There was SERVICE, suddenly. The name on the display: INCOMING CALL / CJ.

Oh thank God. She thumbed the Accept button, expecting to hear her son’s voice, maybe even hoping he’d call her Mom again.

But instead, it was someone else.

*

Now, four agonizing hours later, during which Kendra heard the sounds of her own house being turned against her…she was listening to the voice of her ex-husband—an accused murderer long thought to be dead. And he had the audacity to be grilling her!

“Who told you that? Who told you were dead?”

“They called me and said if I left the house I was dead.”

“Did you call the police? Anyone at all?”

“They told me not to call anyone, or do anything else except wait.”

“Wait for what?”

There was a burst of static on the line, and then another voice came on the line. The one who’d called four hours earlier, from CJ’s phone.

The evil icy-voiced bitch queen who had her son and who claimed to have the house surrounded.

“Hey, Charlie! It’s your old pal Mann here. So good to hear your voice after all this time. Well, that magical day has finally arrived. In about thirty seconds we’re going to kill the phones, and the power, and everything else in your wife’s house. We’ve got her surrounded; I know every square inch of every house in a five-block radius. You, of all people, know how thorough we are.”

Charlie ignored the other voice.

“Kendra, where’s the boy? Where’s Seej?”

Seej: Charlie’s old nickname for CJ—See. Jay. Over time, shortened to Seej.

“Shhhh, now, Charlie, it’s rude to interrupt. You’re wasting precious seconds. Now I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to tell me that if I touch one hair on your family’s head, you’ll rip me apart one limb at a time…or maybe some other colorful metaphor? Well, you know, that’s just not gonna happen. Because you lost this one, Chuck. There’s not going to be any cavalry rushing in, no last-minute saves, no magic escapes. And you know what’s going to happen next?”

*

What should have been going through Kendra’s mind at this moment was something along the lines of:

Charlie, where the hell have you been, and why have you surfaced now? The last time we spoke it was stupid and petty conversation about a late credit card bill and I think the last word I spoke to you before disconnecting was whatever.

Or maybe:

Charlie, why didn’t you call me before tonight? Do you know how many late nights I stared at the ceiling, trying to physically will you to call me? Not to change anything or explain anything, but just to tell me what happened? Do you know how hard the not knowing was? How much it consumed me over the years, digging in deep, way past the regret and guilt and into the very core of me?

But instead Kendra thought:

Goddamn you, Charlie.

Goddamn you for doing this to us.

*

“What’s going to happen next is,” the ice bitch queen continued, “your family’s going to die. And there’s not a fucking thing you can do to stop me.”

If Kendra had any doubts that the voice on the other end of the line belonged to her husband, they vanished when he spoke again. Because his words were infused with a rock-hard defiance that had once been familiar to her, over a decade ago.

Charlie Hardie told the ice bitch queen, “I can stop you.”

Mar 132013
 

This year’s Mulholland Classic, BEAUTY by Brian D’Amato, was hailed by Dean Koontz as “absolutely irresistible,” proclaimed by Peter Straub a “breathtaking” novel “bristling and humming with intelligence,” and acclaimed in the Chicago Sun-Times as “superb” when first published nearly twenty years ago.

Read on for a sneak peek at the novel’s first chapters–and don’t miss the D’Amato-penned illustrations and reading group guide exclusive to our edition, now back in bookstores everywhere!

1

An egg floated in the void. It rotated on its vertical axis as the blackness behind it gradated toward a dark ultramarine purple. It moved closer, in microscopic increments. Its surface was absolutely pure, smoother than any real egg and scaleless in its non-space. Rose-colored light fell on it from a source apparently somewhere between the egg and the implied observer, and the light pooled one-third of the way down the surface in a spot that suggested its texture was, perhaps, slightly more glossy than that of a real egg.

Then an irregularity seemed to appear in the lower center of the oval. At first it was so slight, it might have been imaginary: a faint depression, with perhaps a slight bunching-out above and below. The depression and swellings grew, becoming more distinct with agonizing slowness. It was an order of motion that animals or machines never approach, the slowness of plants, or of crystals forming in solutions. Above the irregularity, two more slight indentations, identical round concavities in the pristine surface, manifested themselves with the same intense deliberation. They were symmetrically aligned along the vertical axis. As they worked their way into the surface of the egg, the light highlighted over and under them and shadows began to form, first soft like airbrush marks, then soft only on top and hard-edged on their lower sides.

Suddenly the egg passed over the threshold of abstraction, the invisible barrier that separates a geometric form from the most basic figurative paradigm.

It was a face.

The eyes and mouth became more distinct. The outlines of cheekbones and the hollows under them began to alter the silhouette of the egg itself. A nose began to protrude ever so slightly, and tiny indentations under it developed into near-nostrils. Buds sprouted that would eventually be ears. A peach color began to spread beneath the surface like an Icelandic dawn. Now the eyes had a hairless eyebrow ridge and closed lids not quite separated from the flesh beneath them. The lips were still fused, but they were lips, complete with hollows at the corners and the depression beneath the nose. The wings of the nostrils extruded slightly. The forehead broadened. It was a face, but not a human face. It was a face from some idealized realm beyond death and life, ageless and silent and beautiful. It was still embryonic, and more like mathematics than flesh. But it was becoming an entity.

I typed out halt f9 on the keyboard. There was no perceptible change, but somehow you could tell the growth had stopped. And I’d stopped it before it had left the land of the undead for the land of the (at least in appearance) living.

I punched in a few coordinates and moved the mouse-cursor over the face, up to the command line at the top of the screen. I clicked it on wire frame, and instantly a small screen appeared on the lower left of the image, blocking out part of the face but showing it again, schematically, with triangular facets etched in orange lines against dark blue. I moved the cursor down to the region of the eyes and began to program.

After eighteen minutes, I clicked off the wire-frame screen and typed resume image generate on the command line. The egg disintegrated itself, then reappeared a few seconds later, slightly closer. Very, very slowly, the eyelids began to rise. A mirrorlike surface appeared under them, a strange, cold, wet-looking lavender substance. Then the circle of the iris came into view, emerald green against the lavender, with magenta and golden facets shifting under the green like the spicules in Mexican fire opals. And then, as the lids passed the halfway point, the pupils should have come into view. But there were no pupils. The eyes were fully open and the face looked straight at me with the blind, soulless, malevolent blank stare of a demon.

I looked back for what seemed like a long time. I heard a scratching sound at my left wrist and recoiled from the desk, hitting my head against the wall. A coil of paper was extruding itself from my fax machine. I peeled it off and read it:

have you turned your ringer off?

don’t forget, penny penn appointment 2:00

I’ll be there in 45 mins. david.

I allowed myself to look back at the screen for a few minutes. I rotated the head through 360 degrees, thinking about the profile and the three-quarter views. The Face was becoming a thing of awesome beauty, I thought, unless I was just flattering myself. I didn’t think I was, though. I wondered whether I’d ever really get the chance to implement it. I typed save and shut down the computer and got up. My back cracked a bit. I’d been sitting down for quite a while.

Somewhere in the microscopic binary code of sixty-four megabytes of memory, the demon slept with open eyes. The ghost in my machine.

2

“Laugh lines. I cried when I got laugh lines. That sounds so stupid, too. What a stupid name for a terrible, terrible thing. I just can’t deal with it. I also have three horizontal lines in my forehead, and there’s one more starting up near my hairline. And I’m getting crow’s-feet. That’s an ugly name. What a stupid name for eye wrinkles. And there’s four really, really really big huge acne scars. One’s right here, right to the left of my nose, a quarter inch away. And there’s one right above the center of my upper lip, on the—on the septum. It’s called a septum, right? And the other two—they’re right here, on this cheek—you should know that these two have had some collagen shots already. The pores on my nose and to the sides of my nose are too big. They’re really unattractive. But my facialists say there’s not much they can do about them besides keep steaming them and then putting on the astringent. Well…besides the big problem, there’s a whole bunch of little things…but anyway the biggest problem with me, as you can see, is eye bags. Eye bags. They upset me a lot. I was kind of overweight for a while. Maybe I got them from that. I drank a lot of milk shakes in college. You went to that school, too, didn’t you?”

Like many of the people I know who went to Yale, Penny Penn said “that school” instead of “Yale” when she was talking to other Yalies. “Yale” is hard to say because it’s so pretentious and monosyllabic. It’s like saying “fuck.”

“I was in your class,” I said. “You used to hang out with Hilary Pearl and Andrew Moskowitz.”

“Sure. That’s great! Do you see them at all?”

“Hilary just bought a theater on Essex Street a few blocks from here. And Andrew’s working for Richard Foreman, you know, the sort of avant-garde director—”

“Sure, yes,” she said. “Well, I should give them a call sometime. I suppose—maybe I haven’t been a really good friend to them. But the thing is, with films, you know, you just get bound up in a really specific kind of social thing, you know, it’s really stupid….I really liked being at school, thinking about real thinking stuff….I mean, imagine getting to study with Jacques Derrida, he really is one of the most brilliant people of the century, I think….Is the camera still running?”

“Yes.”

“Listen, can we erase that last part, so we don’t have the thing about Hilary and Andrew?”

“Nobody’s going to see these tapes. They’re just for legal protection. But I’m sorry, if they have traces of erasing, they’ll be worthless. You know that. We discussed this.”

She looked at me suspiciously for a split second. She had a cold streak in her, and it surfaced at me. I hadn’t seen Penny Penn offscreen since school, where it seemed she didn’t remember me from, and I was a little unprepared for the hard-nosed-businesswoman act she was pulling on me. But people who see me in these situations are always tense. They’re in a vulnerable position. I should remember how empowered I am at these times. It was a switch since she was the school movie star girl, slinking around with her boyfriend Theodoro, whom I couldn’t stand, and her old bodyguard with the walkie-talkie, and I was just the earnest art student.

Actually, I second-thought, not as much of a switch as I’d like. She was still incredibly famous, and I was just a medium-hot New York artist, not any fame at all, really. Only insiders know who artists are, unless you’re Andy Warhol. Well, maybe I was on my way to the Warhol level with my new direction. He “did celebrities,” too. He didn’t have to keep it a secret, though.

“Well, okay, then let’s be professional,” she said. I had to watch it. I was in something of a position of power, but she could still probably have me crucified if I screwed up.

“Eye bags,” she went on. “Dr. Weil said I wasn’t a good subject for a tuck because of my delicate skin. He said my eyes would look tight and the scars could show. And tucks just don’t last. I mean, I know Cher and she really looks strange up close. And Joan Rivers looks really strange. Anyway, they use a kind of greenish foundation there for filming, and that pretty much gets rid of them, but I’m no good in person or even on TV sometimes with these things. And Virginia suggested I come and see you.”

I had done terrific work on Virginia Feiden.

“Well,” I said—I felt like a doctor—“all this seems really minor to me. You look great. And your career hasn’t really been based on conventional beauty anyway. I think people respect you as an actress partly because you look different and halfway real. And a lot of this is stuff you could handle, with dermabrasions and ordinary plastic surgery.”

“The hell with looking real. The hell with plastic surgery. It’s not just little imperfections. I’m not talking about looking in a mirror, I’m talking about watching myself in the dailies and I just don’t have what I used to have. I look puffy. My face used to have a really specific memorable quality about it, and it’s just lost it. I was bigger when I was fifteen than I am now, and it’s entirely because of the face thing. I mean, it’s actually harder if you’ve been like, a child star, everyone in the industry’s afraid that no one wants to watch you grow up. Seriously, I can’t do ingenue roles anymore as it is. And there’s plenty of time to be some old grande dame of the screen anyway. And my career is always on the edge anyway because I look real. It’s really, really difficult. Okay? It takes constant work. And anyway, I’m just not thrilled about getting old. All right?”

She really wanted it badly. For the same reason everybody else did. She was simply afraid of getting old. She was twenty-nine, like I was, and she looked older than I did.

“All right, I know,” I said. “Women just age much faster than men, and their faces age much faster than the rest of them, and it’s not fair.”

“You’re damn straight it’s not.”

I snickered inside. A bond had been established. She knew I understood her problems, and she was going to trust me. This was my biggest commission so far. I was excited.

“All right. Let’s take some pictures, I’ll do a set of drawings, and we’ll start in a week. You can look at the drawings on, uh, maybe Wednesday the thirteenth, and we can start next Monday at two. Okay?”

She did the number with her electric date book and said it would be okay.

“Now…you know to be prepared for a twelve-hour session, if necessary. And a few days of resting around, not touching anything, and then maybe another session. So I suggest you get a hotel room, anonymously. Somewhere everybody minds his own business, like the Mark. Not an apartment you could be traced to. Try not to schedule any business except phone calls for all of next week, just in case. And I’ll want the waiver forms signed then, and we’ll make another videotape.”

“Can I have a copy of the waiver thing to show my brother?”

Her brother was her manager.

“I can’t do that. It’s just bad policy. And really, the less your manager or anyone hears, the better it is for everybody. I know that sounds really corny, but that’s the way it is.” Take it or leave it, I thought.

She said okay.

*

We went through the photo session. I tried to do it the way Timothy would do it. She was a professional, and we were only interested in the head, but it was still a little embarrassing. Photography is a very intimate thing. Nothing remotely like what was going to follow, though.

At about ten, I figured not enough was enough. I switched off the lights and the video camera—I’d run through two cassettes just filming the shoot—and stacked my giant pile of film holders on the kitchen counter. I still photograph with an old Speed Graphic four-by-five, and so I have to switch film holders like a madman. It’s a dinosaur of a camera, but it knows what I need and does it. Penny was sort of draping on her coat—a comfy-looking duffel coat—and she got an envelope out of her big floppy bag and handed it to me with a certain amount of reluctance. I walked her downstairs and let her out the door onto Rivington Street. She said, “Bye, Jamie,” stepped over some Lower East Side garbage, and let herself into the back door of an ordinary Mercedes. It whisked her away. An unassuming woman of the people. I couldn’t resist tearing open the envelope and looking at the check. “Penny Penn, Box 131, Encino, CA. To: James Angelo. Three hundred and fifty thousand and no/100s———dollars.”

3

I’d shot about sixty four-by-fives. I walked over to U.S. Color on Beecker and Lafayette and dropped off the boxes, marked normal/rush. I walked home, cleaned up the photo-mess, answered some calls, and walked back—walking’s a big part of the down-town lifestyle—and spread the just developed four-by-five transparencies out on one of the light boxes there.

I picked out the ten best shots and laid them out on one side, put the others back in one of the boxes, taped the box shut, and marked it flush. The little place was crowded, even at eleven-thirty at night. Mainly magazine people and one or two grade-B models and fashion and product photographers and their delivery persons who had to get their shots of Naomi Campbell in Agnès B. or Bart Simpson Tofu Bran Cereal or whatever back in time for a morning meeting. Sometimes it’s impossible to get anything done in these photo places. I’m trying to cut something neatly, to do a quick paste-up or something, and these models come in with their books and pick up topless shots of themselves and wave them around, just in case the art directors from Vogue walk in. It’s really distracting. I didn’t recognize anyone, except for a cute Japanese-looking model/girl with a strange haircut—some club kid from the neighborhood—so I was a little careless.

“Hey, is that Penny Penn?”

Some goon was leaning over my light box.

“I wish,” I said instantly. “She’s just a look-alike.”

He didn’t believe me.

“No, seriously, I’m a professional….I’ve worked with Paulina and shot a lot for Elle and Interview—what’s the project with Penny? It’s an endorsement, right?”

Jesus, I should be more careful, I thought. But I was too excited to wait. I just smiled nicely, scooped up my transparencies, and went over to the counter. At least the place is run by Pakistanis who, I thought hopefully, might not recognize her. Sri Devi, yes, but not Penny Penn.

“Yes, please?” said the Counter Kid, who knew me.

Just to show off to the girl and frustrate the goon’s curiosity—he was still hanging around—I hit the kid with a little Urdu. “Mu je paanch sixteen-by-twenty Cibachromes chai hyee, of each. Samje?”

“Haa,” said the kid. He wrote out my name and account number on the blue slip. I checked it and nodded. “Four o’clock tomorrow?”

“Accha, shukriyaa,” I said, overdoing it.

I left. Maybe I should have skipped the Urdu thing, but I just didn’t want the goon to know I was ordering over a thousand dollars’ worth of Cibachromes. Why would anyone need ten identical blowups of each of ten shots?

*

Penny was human-looking in real life, but in two dimensions she was stunning. Even though I’d photographed her to accentuate her flaws, even using fluorescent light a few times—something all actresses fear like death itself—she still came out looking great, a little pockmarked and baggy but still sexy and just herself, with that weird, wistful, incredibly famous strange look in her eyes that millions and millions of people were absolutely gaga for. I should get into photography, I thought. I could be a Robert Mapplethorpe for the nineties, especially now that he’s dead.

Still, I was more excited about my own medium. It’s less of a pure medium, but it’s very cutting edge. Science is very hot in art right now. I put one of each chrome aside in an envelope and closed it, suppressing an urge to mark it before.

I wasn’t going to use the computer on this job. I wasn’t quite comfortable with it yet. I wanted to do this one the painstaking, old-fashioned way. I spread the remaining shots out on a clean sheet of white homosote on the floor of the studio, dug my gas mask out of its three layers of plastic bags, and put it on. I switched on all the air vents, sprayed invisible adhesive over the photos, and rolled a big roll of prepared acetate over them. I pushed the air bubbles out from under the acetate and sliced the sheets apart with a razor knife. Then I spray-mounted the double sheets to thick sheets of foam-core, cut those apart, and stacked them on the drafting board. I rolled over my painting cart—which was stocked with small jars of Golden Brand Acrylics—sat down, and spooned some titanium white, ivory black, burnt sienna, and gel medium onto a Chinette paper plate. I mushed the paint around a bit with a nylon brush and started playing around, rather freely, on the first photograph, a left-side profile. This was like a dry run for next Monday. This was what Penny Penn was going to look like.

There was a mole on the side of her forehead, above her eye. I whisked it away with a flick of the brush. I feathered a little tone into her cheek and added some cadmium red light into the mix. I’m so good, you couldn’t see where the photograph ended and the painting began. That’s what’s so great about Cibachromes, too—they have a nice even painterly surface with no dots, almost like an Ingres painting. After whisking away a few more imperfections on the cheek, I went right to work on the eye bag, lateral view.

This required a bit more skill because the bulge had to be cut into a bit and the nose had to be redrawn slightly behind it. But it wasn’t hard. I put the shot aside in less than an hour, and she already looked a hundred times better and ten years younger.

But what if we allowed just a little more poetic license? I picked up an identical view, whisked out a few bumps and bags like before, and just tucked in her very slight double chin a bit. She hadn’t mentioned the chin thing, but it wasn’t fabulous. It was something an ordinary plastic surgeon could deal with, but with Mark’s help I could probably handle it, too. I should get more into structural: The Architecture of the Face, I thought. What I’d mainly been concerned with up to now was surface. Surface and Gloss. Still, those are the things that really matter.

You can do a lot with contouring. What if she had just a little more of a depression under her cheekbones, maybe to make them just a little bit higher—not enough to turn her into Katharine Hepburn, not enough to diffuse her essential Penny-Penn-ness, but just a bit, to bring her into the “sophisticated” class…not that she wasn’t already…but just a hint of those waspy aristocratic wing-tips…and she looked really different. But not bad. And not like someone else. Audiences around the world would be captivated by a new Penny Penn, a mature yet perfect Penny Penn, a Penny Penn mellowed by suffering and compassion, yet more alluring than ever.…

I figured the fumes from the spray glue had dissipated, so I took off my mask and wrapped it up to protect the filters. I picked up a full-frontal shot. Now here I could do much better. On frontal, eye bags were the least of her problems. We’d lengthen the eyes a bit, for one thing, and clean up a few problems under the lower lip. Tuck in the cheeks, definitely. It wouldn’t be too bad to recover the whole nose, either, and launch those pores she hated once and for all. But I wasn’t sure where to stop. Should I recover the whole face? Some of the things I wanted to do were things you could approximate with makeup and lighting. And most of her skin was in pretty good condition. It would be a shame to take too much of it off. And she was young. We still weren’t completely sure how long the work would hold up. You shouldn’t go crazy over this job, I told myself. Don’t get perfectionistic. The most important thing in art is the ability to compromise and make excuses. Still, it would be a coup to redesign a real icon. And she’d be really perfect, not just a freakish combination of nature, makeup, lighting, and good camera angles. She’d be an Über-wench. An elf. An icon. I went to sleep thinking, she’s such an icon, icon, icon…

Mar 052013
 

On April 30th, Mulholland Books will publish Robert Galbraith’s debut novel THE CUCKOO’S CALLING, a mystery that had our own Duane Swierczynski, author of the Charlie Hardie series, raving: “I haven’t had this much with a detective novel in years,” and which Owen Laukkanen, author of The Professionals, called “at once beautifully written and utterly engrossing…a remarkably assured debut.”

We’re so excited to publish THE CUCKOO’S CALLING that we’ve decided to share an excerpt of the book with you early! Read on–and mark your calendars. Pub date will be here before you know it.

1

Though Robin Ellacott’s twenty-five years of life had seen their moments of drama and incident, she had never before woken up in the certain knowledge that she would remember the coming day for as long as she lived.

Shortly after midnight, her long-term boyfriend, Matthew, had proposed to her under the statue of Eros in the middle of Piccadilly Circus. In the giddy relief following her acceptance, he confessed that he had been planning to pop the question in the Thai restaurant where they just had eaten dinner, but that he had reckoned without the silent couple beside them, who had eavesdropped on their entire conversation. He had therefore suggested a walk through the darkening streets, in spite of Robin’s protests that they both needed to be up early, and finally inspiration had seized him, and he had led her, bewildered, to the steps of the statue. There, flinging discretion to the chilly wind (in a most un-Matthew-like way), he had proposed, on one knee, in front of three down-and-outs huddled on the steps, sharing what looked like a bottle of meths.

It had been, in Robin’s view, the most perfect proposal, ever, in the history of matrimony. He had even had a ring in his pocket, which she was now wearing; a sapphire with two diamonds, it fitted perfectly, and all the way into town she kept staring at it on her hand as it rested on her lap. She and Matthew had a story to tell now, a funny family story, the kind you told your children, in which his planning (she loved that he had planned it) went awry, and turned into something spontaneous. She loved the tramps, and the moon, and Matthew, panicky and flustered, on one knee; she loved Eros, and dirty old Piccadilly, and the black cab they had taken home to Clapham. She was, in fact, not far off loving the whole of London, which she had not so far warmed to, during the month she had lived there. Even the pale and pugnacious commuters squashed into the Tube carriage around her were gilded by the radiance of the ring, and as she emerged into the chilly March daylight at Tottenham Court Road underground station, she stroked the underside of the platinum band with her thumb, and experienced an explosion of happiness at the thought that she might buy some bridal magazines at lunchtime.

Male eyes lingered on her as she picked her way through the road-works at the top of Oxford Street, consulting a piece of paper in her right hand. Robin was, by any standards, a pretty girl; tall and curvaceous, with long strawberry-blonde hair that rippled as she strode briskly along, the chill air adding color to her pale cheeks. This was the first day of a week-long secretarial assignment. She had been temping ever since coming to live with Matthew in London, though not for much longer; she had what she termed “proper” interviews lined up now.

The most challenging part of these uninspiring piecemeal jobs was often finding the offices. London, after the small town in Yorkshire she had left, felt vast, complex and impenetrable. Matthew had told her not to walk around with her nose in an A–Z, which would make her look like a tourist and render her vulnerable; she therefore relied, as often as not, on poorly hand-drawn maps that somebody at the temping agency had made for her. She was not convinced that this made her look more like a native-born Londoner.

The metal barricades and the blue plastic Corimec walls surrounding the roadworks made it much harder to see where she ought to be going, because they obscured half the landmarks drawn on the paper in her hand. She crossed the torn-up road in front of a towering office block, labeled “Center Point” on her map, which resembled a gigantic concrete waffle with its dense grid of uniform square windows, and made her way in the rough direction of Denmark Street.

She found it almost accidentally, following a narrow alleyway called Denmark Place out into a short street full of colorful shop fronts: windows full of guitars, keyboards and every kind of musical ephemera. Red and white barricades surrounded another open hole in the road, and workmen in fluorescent jackets greeted her with early-morning wolf-whistles, which Robin pretended not to hear.

She consulted her watch. Having allowed her usual margin of time for getting lost, she was a quarter of an hour early. The nondescript black-painted doorway of the office she sought stood to the left of the 12 Bar Café; the name of the occupant of the office was written on a scrappy piece of lined paper Sellotaped beside the buzzer for the second floor. On an ordinary day, without the brand-new ring glittering upon her finger, she might have found this off-putting; today, however, the dirty paper and the peeling paint on the door were, like the tramps from last night, mere picturesque details on the backdrop of her grand romance. She checked her watch again (the sapphire glittered and her heart leapt; she would watch that stone glitter all the rest of her life), then decided, in a burst of euphoria, to go up early and show herself keen for a job that did not matter in the slightest.

She had just reached for the bell when the black door flew open from the inside, and a woman burst out on to the street. For one strangely static second the two of them looked directly into each other’s eyes, as each braced to withstand a collision. Robin’s senses were unusually receptive on this enchanted morning; the split-second view of that white face made such an impression on her that she thought, moments later, when they had managed to dodge each other, missing contact by a centimeter, after the dark woman had hurried off down the street, around the corner and out of sight, that she could have drawn her perfectly from memory. It was not merely the extraordinary beauty of the face that had impressed itself on her memory, but the other’s expression: livid, yet strangely exhilarated.

Robin caught the door before it closed on the dingy stairwell. An old-fashioned metal staircase spiraled up around an equally antiquated birdcage lift. Concentrating on keeping her high heels from catching in the metalwork stairs, she proceeded to the first landing, passing a door carrying a laminated and framed poster saying Crowdy Graphics, and continued climbing. It was only when she reached the glass door on the floor above that Robin realized, for the first time, what kind of business she had been sent to assist. Nobody at the agency had said. The name on the paper beside the outside buzzer was engraved on the glass panel: C. B. Strike, and, underneath it, the words Private Detective.

Robin stood quite still, with her mouth slightly open, experiencing a moment of wonder that nobody who knew her could have understood. She had never confided in a solitary human being (even Matthew) her lifelong, secret, childish ambition. For this to happen today, of all days! It felt like a wink from God (and this too she somehow connected with the magic of the day; with Matthew, and the ring; even though, properly considered, they had no connection at all).

Savoring the moment, she approached the engraved door very slowly. She stretched out her left hand (sapphire dark, now, in this dim light) towards the handle; but before she had touched it, the glass door too flew open.

This time, there was no near-miss. Sixteen unseeing stone of disheveled male slammed into her; Robin was knocked off her feet and catapulted backwards, handbag flying, arms windmilling, towards the void beyond the lethal staircase.

2

Strike absorbed the impact, heard the high-pitched scream and reacted instinctively: throwing out a long arm, he seized a fistful of cloth and flesh; a second shriek of pain echoed around the stone walls and then, with a wrench and a tussle, he had succeeded in dragging the girl back on to firm ground. Her shrieks were still echoing off the walls, and he realized that he himself had bellowed, “Jesus Christ!”

The girl was doubled up in pain against the office door, whimpering. Judging by the lopsided way she was hunched, with one hand buried deep under the lapel of her coat, Strike deduced that he had saved her by grabbing a substantial part of her left breast. A thick, wavy curtain of bright blonde hair hid most of the girl’s blushing face, but Strike could see tears of pain leaking out of one uncovered eye.

“Fuck—sorry!” His loud voice reverberated around the stairwell. “I didn’t see you—didn’t expect anyone to be there…”

From under their feet, the strange and solitary graphic designer who inhabited the office below yelled, “What’s happening up there?” and a second later, a muffled complaint from above indicated that the manager of the bar downstairs, who slept in an attic flat over Strike’s office, had also been disturbed—perhaps woken—by the noise.

“Come in here…”

Strike pushed open the door with his fingertips, so as to have no accidental contact with her while she stood huddled against it, and ushered her into the office.

“Is everything all right?” called the graphic designer querulously.

Strike slammed the office door behind him.

“I’m OK,” lied Robin, in a quavering voice, still hunched over with her hand on her chest, her back to him. After a second or two, she straightened up and turned around, her face scarlet and her eyes still wet.

Her accidental assailant was massive; his height, his general hairiness, coupled with a gently expanding belly, suggested a grizzly bear. One of his eyes was puffy and bruised, the skin just below the eyebrow cut. Congealing blood sat in raised white-edged nail tracks on his left cheek and the right side of his thick neck, revealed by the crumpled open collar of his shirt.

“Are you M-Mr. Strike?”

“Yeah.”

“I-I’m the temp.”

“The what?”

“The temp. From Temporary Solutions?”

The name of the agency did not wipe the incredulous look from his battered face. They stared at each other, unnerved and antagonistic.

Just like Robin, Cormoran Strike knew that he would forever remember the last twelve hours as an epoch-changing night in his life. Now, it seemed, the Fates had sent an emissary in a neat beige trench coat, to taunt him with the fact that his life was bubbling towards catastrophe. There was not supposed to be a temp. He had intended his dismissal of Robin’s predecessor to end his contract.

“How long have they sent you for?”

“A-a week to begin with,” said Robin, who had never been greeted with such a lack of enthusiasm.

Strike made a rapid mental calculation. A week at the agency’s exorbitant rate would drive his overdraft yet further into the region of irreparable; it might even be the final straw his main creditor kept implying he was waiting for.

“ ’Scuse me a moment.”

He left the room via the glass door, and turned immediately right, into a tiny dank toilet. Here he bolted the door, and stared into the cracked, spotted mirror over the sink.

The reflection staring back at him was not handsome. Strike had the high, bulging forehead, broad nose and thick brows of a young Beethoven who had taken to boxing, an impression only heightened by the swelling and blackening eye. His thick curly hair, springy as carpet, had ensured that his many youthful nicknames had included “Pubehead.” He looked older than his thirty-five years.

Ramming the plug into the hole, he filled the cracked and grubby sink with cold water, took a deep breath and completely submerged his throbbing head. Displaced water slopped over his shoes, but he ignored it for the relief of ten seconds of icy, blind stillness.

Disparate images of the previous night flickered through his mind: emptying three drawers of possessions into a kitbag while Charlotte screamed at him; the ashtray catching him on the brow-bone as he looked back at her from the door; the journey on foot across the dark city to his office, where he had slept for an hour or two in his desk chair. Then the final, filthy scene, after Charlotte had tracked him down in the early hours, to plunge in those last few banderillas she had failed to implant before he had left her flat; his resolution to let her go when, after clawing his face, she had run out of the door; and then that moment of madness when he had plunged after her—a pursuit ended as quickly as it had begun, with the unwitting intervention of this heedless, superfluous girl, whom he had been forced to save, and then placate.

He emerged from the cold water with a gasp and a grunt, his face and head pleasantly numb and tingling. With the cardboard-textured towel that hung on the back of the door he rubbed himself dry and stared again at his grim reflection. The scratches, washed clean of blood, looked like nothing more than the impressions of a crumpled pillow. Charlotte would have reached the underground by now. One of the insane thoughts that had propelled him after her had been fear that she would throw herself on the tracks. Once, after a particularly vicious row in their mid-twenties, she had climbed on to a rooftop, where she had swayed drunkenly, vowing to jump. Perhaps he ought to be glad that the Temporary Solution had forced him to abandon the chase. There could be no going back from the scene in the early hours of this morning. This time, it had to be over.

Tugging his sodden collar away from his neck, Strike pulled back the rusty bolt and headed out of the toilet and back through the glass door.

A pneumatic drill had started up in the street outside. Robin was standing in front of the desk with her back to the door; she whipped her hand back out of the front of her coat as he re-entered the room, and he knew that she had been massaging her breast again.

“Is—are you all right?” Strike asked, carefully not looking at the site of the injury.

“I’m fine. Listen, if you don’t need me, I’ll go,” said Robin with dignity.

“No—no, not at all,” said a voice issuing from Strike’s mouth, though he listened to it with disgust. “A week—yeah, that’ll be fine. Er—the post’s here…” He scooped it from the doormat as he spoke and scattered it on the bare desk in front of her, a propitiatory offering. “Yeah, if you could open that, answer the phone, generally sort of tidy up—computer password’s Hatherill23, I’ll write it down…” This he did, under her wary, doubtful gaze. “There you go—I’ll be in here.”

He strode into the inner office, closed the door carefully behind him and then stood quite still, gazing at the kitbag under the bare desk. It contained everything he owned, for he doubted that he would ever see again the nine tenths of his possessions he had left at Charlotte’s. They would probably be gone by lunchtime; set on fire, dumped in the street, slashed and crushed, doused in bleach. The drill hammered relentlessly in the street below.

And now the impossibility of paying off his mountainous debts, the appalling consequences that would attend the imminent failure of this business, the looming, unknown but inevitably horrible sequel to his leaving Charlotte; in Strike’s exhaustion, the misery of it all seemed to rear up in front of him in a kind of kaleidoscope of horror.

Hardly aware that he had moved, he found himself back in the chair in which he had spent the latter part of the night. From the other side of the insubstantial partition wall came muffled sounds of movement. The Temporary Solution was no doubt starting up the computer, and would shortly discover that he had not received a single work-related email in three weeks. Then, at his own request, she would start opening all his final demands. Exhausted, sore and hungry, Strike slid face down on to the desk again, muffling his eyes and ears in his encircling arms, so that he did not have to listen while his humiliation was laid bare next door by a stranger.

Feb 122013
 

Lawrence Block’s Keller thriller HIT ME, praised in starred reviews by Booklist as “delightful,” by Library Journal as “Block at the top of his form,” and Publishers Weekly as “highly enjoyable”, hits bookstores today! Can’t wait to get started on Larry’s latest and greatest? Start reading right here.

Keller limited himself to monosyllables en route to the airport, and gave the driver a tip neither large nor small enough to be memorable. He walked through the door for departing flights, took an escalator one flight down, and a bubbly girl at the Hertz counter found his reservation right away. He showed her a driver’s license and a credit card, both in the same name—one that was neither J. P. Keller nor Nicholas Edwards. They were good enough to get him the keys to a green Subaru hatchback, and in due course he was behind the wheel and on his way.

The house he was looking for was on Caruth Boulevard, in the University Park section. He’d located it online and printed out a map, and he found it now with no trouble, one of a whole block of upscale Spanish-style homes on substantial landscaped lots not far from the Southern Methodist campus. Sculpted stucco walls, a red tile roof, an attached three-car garage. You’d think a family could be very happy in a house like that, Keller thought, but in the present instance you’d be wrong, because the place was home to Charles and Portia Walmsley, and neither of them could be happy until the other was dead.

Keller slowed down as he passed the house, then circled the block for another look at it. Was anyone at home? As far as he could see, there was no way to tell. Charles Walmsley had moved out a few weeks earlier, and Portia shared the house with the Salvadoran housekeeper. Keller hadn’t learned the housekeeper’s name, or that of the man who was a frequent overnight guest of Mrs. Walmsley, but he’d been told that the man drove a Lexus SUV. Keller didn’t see it in the driveway, but he couldn’t be sure it wasn’t in the garage.

“The man drives an SUV,” Dot had said, “and he once played football for TCU. I know what an SUV is, but—”

“Texas Christian University,” Keller supplied. “In Fort Worth.”

“I thought that might be it. Do they have something to do with horny frogs?”

“Horned Frogs. That’s their football team, the Horned Frogs. They’re archrivals of SMU.”

“That would be Southern Methodist.”

“Right. They’re the Mustangs.”

“Frogs and Mustangs. How do you know all this crap, Keller? Don’t tell me it’s on a stamp. Never mind, it’s not important. What’s important is that something permanent happens to Mrs. Walmsley. And it would be good if something happened to the boyfriend, too.”

“It would?”

“He’ll pay a bonus.”

“A bonus? What kind of a bonus?”

“Unspecified, which makes it tricky to know what to expect, let alone collect it. And he’ll double the bonus if they nail the boyfriend for the wife’s murder, but when you double an unspecified number, what have you got? Two times what?”

Keller drove past the Walmsley house a second time, and didn’t learn anything new in the process. He consulted his map, figured out his route, and left the Subaru in a parking garage three blocks from the Lombardy.

In his room, he picked up the phone to call Julia, then remembered what hotels charge you for phone calls. Charles Walmsley was paying top dollar, bonus or no, but making a call from a hotel room was like burning the money in the street. He used his cell phone instead, first making sure that it was the iPhone Julia had given him for his birthday and not the prepaid one he used only for calls to Dot.

The hotel room was okay, he told her. And he’d had a good look at the stamps he was interested in, and that was always helpful. And she put Jenny on, and he cooed to his daughter and she babbled at him. He told her he loved her, and when Julia came back on the phone he told her the same.

Portia Walmsley didn’t have any children. Her husband did, from a previous marriage, but they lived with their mother across the Red River in Oklahoma. So there wouldn’t be any kids to worry about in the house on Caruth Boulevard.

As far as the Salvadoran maid was concerned, Dot had told him the client didn’t care one way or the other. He wasn’t paying a bonus for her, that was for sure. He’d pointed out that she was an illegal immigrant, and Keller wondered what that had to do with anything.

*

That first night, he hadn’t called Dot back right away. First he and Julia had tucked Jenny in for the night—or for as much of it as the child would sleep through. Then the two of them sat over coffee in the kitchen, and he mentioned that Donny had called earlier, not because some work had come in but on the chance that he might want to go fishing.

“But you didn’t want to go?”

He shook his head. “Neither did Donny, not really. He just wanted to pick up the phone.”

“It’s hard for him, isn’t it?”

“He’s not used to sitting around.”

“Neither are you, these days. But I guess it must be like old times for you. You know, with lots of time off between jobs.”

“Stamp collecting helped take up the slack.”

“And I guess it still does,” she said. “And that way there’s no fish to clean.”

He went upstairs and sat down with his stamps for a few minutes, then made the call. “So you’re back in business,” he said. “And you didn’t call me, and then you did.”

“And I guess it was a mistake,” she said, “and I apologize. But how could I be in the business and not let you know about it? That didn’t seem right.”

“No.”

“And it’s not like you’re a recovering alcoholic and I’m opening wine bottles in front of you. You’re a grown-up. If you’re not interested you’ll tell me so and that’s the end of it. Keller? You still there?”

“I’m here.”

“So you are,” she said. “And yet you haven’t told me you’re not interested.”

One of his stamp albums was open on the table in front of him, and he looked at a page of Italian stamps overprinted for use in the Aegean Islands. There were a few stamps missing, and while they weren’t at all expensive they’d proved difficult to find.

“Keller?”

“Business dried up,” he said. “There’s no financing. We can’t buy houses and we can’t sell them, and nobody’s hiring us to repair them, either, because there’s no money around.”

“Well, I’m not surprised. It’s the same everywhere. Still, you’ve got enough money to see you through, haven’t you?”

“We’re all right,” he said. “But I’ve gotten used to living on what I earn, and now I’m dipping into capital. I’m not about to run through it, there’s no danger of that, but still…”

“I know what you mean. Keller, I’ve got something if you want it. I had a guy lined up for it and I just learned he’s in the hospital, he flipped his car and they had to yank him out of there with the Jaws of Death.”

“Isn’t it the Jaws of Life?”

“Whatever. His own jaw is about the only part of him that didn’t get broken. I guess he’ll live, and he may even walk again, but there’s no way he can get it all together by the end of the month and spare my client the agony of divorce.”

“And the heartbreak of community property.”

“Something like that. It has to happen before the first of April, and either I find somebody who can take care of it or I have to send back the money. You probably remember how much I like doing that.”

“Vividly.”

“Once I have it in hand,” she said, “I think of it as my money, and I hate like the devil to part with it. So what do you think? Can you get away for a few days in the next couple of weeks?”

“My calendar’s wide open,” he said. “All I’ve got is a stamp auction I was thinking about going to. That’s the weekend after next, if I go at all.”

“Where is it?”

“Dallas.”

There was a thoughtful silence. “Keller,” she said at length, “call me crazy, but I see the hand of Providence at work here.”

Jan 062013
 

Gun MachineFrom Chapter Two

John Tallow stood while the medics scraped up and lifted and bagged and took away his partner of four years, and then he sat on the stairs silently so that they had to lift Rosato’s killer over him to get him down and out of the building.

People said things to him. Gunfire in close quarters had temporarily dulled his hearing, and he wasn’t that interested anyway. Someone told him that the lieutenant was driving out to tell Rosato’s wife the bad news. She liked to do that, the lieutenant, to take that weight off her people. He’d known her to do it three or four times in the past few years.

After a while, he became aware that someone was trying to get his attention. A uniformed police. Behind him, the Crime Scene Unit techs were moving around like beetles.

“This one apartment,” the uniform said.

“What?”

“We checked all the apartments, to make sure everyone was okay. But this apartment here, there’s a shotgun hole in the wall and no one’s answering the door. Did you check this one apartment?”

“No. Wait, what? That hole’s kind of low. I don’t think it can have hit anyone.”

“Well, maybe the occupant’s out at work. Though that’d make him kind of unique in this building so far.”

Tallow shrugged. “Force the door, then.”

“The door’s tight. Can’t imagine what kind of lock’s behind it, but it don’t want to give.”

Tallow got up. He knew buildings like these weren’t Fort Knox. But if the uniform said the door wasn’t giving, it was pointless to repeat the effort. The door wasn’t the thing. The hole was. He got down on one knee by the hole. The internal walls in these places weren’t worth the name. Plasterboard partitions, for the most part. When this building was crammed with people, way back when, it must’ve been like living in a hive.

The hole was a foot across. Tallow peered through it. No light in there. Tallow shifted his position to let in ambient light from the hallway. The uniform watched him frown.

“Give me your flashlight,” Tallow said.

Tallow twisted it on and played it through the hole. Things glinted in the dark, as if he were shining the flashlight into the teeth of an animal deep in a cave.

“Get a ram,” Tallow said.

The uniform went downstairs while Tallow sat on the floor with his back to the wall, dismissing the CSU complaints with a finger. That’d come back to bite him later, he knew. CSUs loved to complain, and if he didn’t listen, they’d find someone who would.

Then again, maybe he’d earned a pass today.

Tallow sat and thought about his partner for a while. Thought about never having met his wife. Having actively avoided it, if he were honest. Remembered feeling relieved that Jim and his wife had gotten married on vacation, so he couldn’t and therefore didn’t have to attend the ceremony. Tallow had decided, after the one time he’d had to crush a stranger with the news that her husband had died on duty with three big bullets in his gut, that he couldn’t be married. He didn’t want to stand at a wedding and think about being married. He didn’t want to sit at Jim Rosato’s table and think about being married.

The uniform had found another uniform, and together they had unhappily carried the ram upstairs, blistered black paint over blue metal.

Tallow stayed on the floor and hitched his thumb at the door.

The uniforms put the ram to the door. It bent and held. They looked at each other, swung back harder, and drove the ram in again. Wood splintered, but the door stood.

Tallow got up. “Take out the wall.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. It’s on me. Take it out.”

The ram crushed the wall in. A few dull thumps sounded from within. The CSUs cursed their mothers for the dust the strike kicked out. Three more short swings made a hole big enough for Tallow to step through. Two more dull thumps. He twisted on the borrowed flashlight and passed it around slowly.

The room was full of guns.

Guns were mounted on all the walls. There were half a dozen guns at his feet. Turning around, flashlight at shoulder level, he saw that guns were mounted on the wall he had come in through. Some guns were mounted in rows, but the right-hand wall had them in complex swirls. Some were laid on the floor on the far side of the room, forming a shape he couldn’t quite fathom. There was paint daubed on those.

There were scents he couldn’t place. Incense, perhaps. Musks. Fur or hide.

Rippling patterns of gunmetal, from floor to ceiling. In the stale, faintly perfumed air of the room, Tallow felt almost like he could be in a church.

Nobody was in the apartment but him. He pointed the flashlight at the door. The door was reinforced with sliding metal bars and heavy locks. There was the red flicker of an LED on one of the locking devices. Tallow couldn’t figure out how anyone could get into this apartment by way of the door, but he could see that a ram wasn’t going to do it.

Tallow carefully stepped through the apartment, checking all the rooms without touching anything.

There were guns in all the rooms.

In the back room, there was a gap between the heavy curtains covering the sole window. A single shaft of light fell through the gap into the small gun-encrusted room. Dust motes hung in the still beam. Tallow stood for a moment without breathing. Left the room slowly and silently.

Tallow almost smiled as he put his head back out through the hole, pointed at a CSU, and said, “Got something for you.”

Purchase the book: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Books-A-Million | iBookstore | Indiebound | Other

Excerpted with permission from Mulholland Books/Little, Brown and Company

Dec 292012
 

With 2013 just around the corner, it’s the perfect time to sit back and reflect on another year of great content and great books. Check back twice daily in the last days of 2012 for a selection of our favorite MulhollandBooks.com posts from the past year!

SHAKE OFF‘s Michel Khoury is a veritable encyclopedia of the espionage tradecraft that is essential to his life as a spy, which Mischa Hiller gleaned from access to someone with direct knowledge of the tricks of the trade. Want to learn how to become a skilled agent? Here are a few of the tips from Mischa’s novel:

Concealing documents and cash? Use a newspaper.

“They are easy to ditch, and you can carry one under your arm even as your bags are being searched.”

Know your cover.

“If you can believe just a bit of your cover story then you can convince your listener (and even yourself) that it is all true.”

Incriminating evidence to ditch? Use the restroom.

“It is easier to flush soaked paper than dry.”

Disguise yourself.

“Hospitals have no security to speak of.  You can wander almost anywhere unchallenged, particularly if you don a white coat – best acquired from the doctors’ lounge in the A&E department.  Or go dressed in a suit carrying a briefcase and pretend you are a drugs salesman.”

Watch your back.

“You should always sit at the back of the bus when you get on, because surveillance like to sit at the back to get a good view of you embarking without having to turn around.”

Beware the honeytrap.

“It is easier to believe that a woman finds you irresistible than that she is trying to ensnare you.”

Tired of looking over your shoulder?

“Take a few days off, go to the cinema, sit in the park, stay at home and read a book….Make them bored. A bored surveillance team is a careless one.”

Blend in.

“Be gray, not colorful, my trainers in Moscow had said.  I always matched my shoes to my clothes.  I’d heard that immigration officers checked for illegal immigrants by looking at their shoes.”

Finish the job.

“To kill someone you need to shoot them at least four or five times in the head, just to make sure.  And it needs to be up close with a hand-held weapon.  You have to put it right up against the head or very close to it, otherwise you could miss; some weapons give a massive kick, and any shot following the first could go wild.  If you can’t get close enough to kill the target with your first shot, then you will need to incapacitate them with a body shot first and finish the deed close up, a coup de grâce.

Mischa Hiller is a winner of the Commonwealth Writers’ Prize in the Best First Book category for South Asia and Europe. Raised in London, Beirut, and Dar El Salaam, he lives in Cambridge, England. Visit him at www.mischahiller.com.

SHAKE OFF, selected by Malcolm Gladwell in the New Yorker as one of the best books of 2012 (“Hiller’s novel has the benefit of mining every trope of the thriller genre while being absolutely original at the same time. I will read anything by Hiller from now on”), is now available in bookstores everywhere.

Oct 112012
 

In June 2013, Mulholland Books will publish THE SHINING GIRLS, the next novel by Arthur C. Clarke Award winner Lauren Beukes, of whom Cosmopolitan has written: “the world Beuekes has invented is both eerily familiar and creepily different, “ and who William Gibson has praised as “very, *very* good.”

We’re giving away pins featuring the cover artwork of THE SHINING GIRLS this weekend at New York Comic-con 2012, with a link to the shareable excerpt on Facebook. You can also start reading right here on MulhollandBooks.com!

CHAPTER ONE

17 July 1974

He clenches the orange plastic pony in the pocket of his sport coat. It is sweaty in his hand. Midsummer, here, is too hot for what he’s wearing. But he has learned to put on a uniform for this purpose; jeans in particular. He takes long strides—a man who walks because he’s got somewhere to be, despite his gimpy foot. Harper Curtis is not a moocher. And time waits for no one. Except when it does.

The girl is sitting cross-legged on the ground, her bare knees white and bony as birds’ skulls, but also grass stained. She looks up at the sound of his boots scrunching on the gravel and broken glass—long enough for him to see that her eyes are brown under that tangle of grubby curls—before she dismisses him and goes back to her business. Harper is disappointed. His personal preference is for blue, the color of the lake, out where it gets deep, where the shoreline disappears and it feels like you’re in the middle of the ocean. Brown is the color of shrimping, when the mud is all churned up in the shallows and you can’t see shit for shit.

“What are you doing?” he asks, putting brightness in his voice. He crouches down beside her in the threadbare grass. “Playing?” Really, he’s never seen a child with such crazy hair. Like she got spun round in her own personal dust devil, one that tossed up the assortment of random junk splayed around her—a cluster of rusty tin cans, a broken bicycle wheel tipped on its side, spokes jabbing outwards. Her attention is focused on a chipped teacup, turned upside down, so that the silvered flowers on the lip disappear into the grass. The handle has broken off, leaving two blunt stumps. “You having a tea party, sweetheart?” he tries again.

“It’s not a tea party,” she mutters into the petal-shaped collar of her checked shirt. Kids with freckles shouldn’t be so earnest, he thinks. It doesn’t suit them.

“Well, that’s fine,” he says. “I prefer coffee anyways. May I have a cup, please m’am? Black with three sugars, okay?” He reaches for the chipped porcelain, and the girl yelps and bats his hand away. A deep, angry buzzing comes from underneath the inverted cup.

“Jesus. What you got in there?”

“It’s not a tea party! It’s a circus!”

“That so?” He turns on his smile, the goofy one that says he doesn’t take himself too seriously, and neither should you. But the back of his hand stings where she smacked him.

She glares at him suspiciously. Not for who he might be, what he might do to her, but because he’s just another dumb grown-up who doesn’t get it. He looks around, more carefully, and recognizes it now: her ramshackle circus. The big top ring marked out with a finger-tracing in the dirt; a tightrope made from a flattened drinking straw rigged between two soda cans; the Ferris wheel of the dented bicycle wheel, half–propped up against a bush, with a rock to hold it in place and paper people torn out of magazines jammed between the spokes.

It doesn’t escape him that the rock holding it up is the perfect fit for his fist. Or how easily one of those tire spokes would slide right through the girl’s eye like Jell-O. He squeezes hard on the plastic pony in his pocket. The furious buzzing coming from underneath the cup is a vibration he can feel all the way down his vertebrae, tugging at his groin.

Just then the cup jolts and the girl clamps her hands over it.

“Woah!” she says, laughing, breaking the spell.

“Woah, indeed! You got a lion in there?” He nudges her with his shoulder, and a smile breaks through her scowl, but just a little one. “You an animal tamer? You gonna make it jump through flaming hoops?”

This time she grins, the constellations of her freckles drawing up into Dutch apple cheeks, revealing bright white teeth. “Nah, Rachel says I’m not allowed to play with matches. Not after last time.” She has one skewed canine, slightly overlapping her incisors. And this more than makes up for brackish brown eyes. It gives him that falling-away feeling in his chest. And he’s sorry he ever doubted the House. She’s the one. One of the ones. The shining girls.

“I’m Harper,” he says, feeling breathless, holding out his hand to shake. She has to switch her grip on the cup to do it.

“Are you a stranger?” she says.

“Not anymore, right?”

“I’m Kirby. Kirby Mazrachi. But I’m gonna change it to Lori Star as soon as I’m old enough.”

“When you go to Hollywood?”

She draws the cup across the ground towards her, stirring the bug underneath it to new heights of outrage, and he can see he’s made a mistake.

“Are you sure you’re not a stranger?”

“I mean, the circus, right? What is Lori Star going to do? Flying trapeze? Elephant rider? Clown?” He wiggles his index finger over his top lip. “The moustachioed lady?”

To his relief, she giggles. “Noooo.”

“Lion tamer! Knife thrower! Fire-eater!”

“I want to be a tightrope walker. I’ve been practicing. Wanna see?” She moves to get up.

“No, wait,” he says, suddenly desperate. “Can I see your lion?”

“It’s not really a lion.”

“That’s what you say,” he prods.

“Okay, but you gotta be real careful. I don’t want him to fly away.”

She tilts the cup, the tiniest fraction. He lays his head down on the ground, squinting to see. The smell of crushed grass and the black earth is comforting. There is something moving under the cup. Furry legs, a hint of yellow and black. Antennae probe towards the gap. Kirby gasps and slams the cup down again.

“That’s one big old bumblebee,” he says, sitting back on his haunches.

“I know,” she says, smirking.

“You got him pretty riled.”

“I don’t think he wants to be in the circus.”

“Can I show you something? You’ll have to trust me.”

“What is it?”

“You want a tightrope walker?”

“No, I—”

But he has already lifted up the cup and scooped the agitated bug into his hands. Pulling off the wings makes the same dull pop sound as plucking the stem off a sour cherry, like the ones he spent a season picking in Rapid City.

“What are you doing?” she  shrieks.

“Now we just need to replace that straw with some flypaper, string it across the top of the cans. Big old bug like this should be to pull his feet free, but it’ll be sticky enough to stop him falling. You got some flypaper?”

He sets the bumblebee down on the rim of the cup. It clings to the edge.

“Why did you do that?” She hits his arm, a flurry of blows, palms open.

He’s baffled by her reaction. “Aren’t we playing circus?”

“You ruined it! Go away! Go away, go away, go away, go away.” It becomes a chant, timed with each slap.

“Hold on. Hold on there,” he laughs, but she keeps on whacking him. He grabs her hand in his. “I mean it. Cut it the fuck out, little lady.”

“You don’t swear!” she yells and bursts into tears.

This is not going like he planned. As much as he can plan any of these first encounters. He feels tired at the unpredictability of children. This is why he doesn’t like little girls. This is why he waits for them to grow up. Later, it will be a different story.

“All right. I’m sorry. Look, don’t cry, okay. I’ve got something for you. Please don’t cry. Look.” In desperation, he takes the orange pony out, or tries to. Its head snags on his pocket and he has to yank it free. “Here,” he jabs it at her, willing her to take it. One of the objects that links everything together. Surely this is why he brought it. He feels only a moment of uncertainty.

“What is it?”

“A pony. Can’t you see? Isn’t a pony better than some dumb bumblebee?”

“It’s not alive.”

“I know that. Goddammit. Just take it, okay? It’s a present.”

“I don’t want it,” she sniffs.

“Okay, it’s not a present, it’s a deposit. You’re keeping it safe for me. Like at the bank when you give them your money. Am I right?” The sun is beating down. It is too hot to be wearing a coat. He is barely able to concentrate. He just wants it to be done. The bumblebee falls off the cup and lies upside down in the grass, its legs cycling in the air.

“I guess.”

He is feeling calmer already. Everything is as it is has to be. “Here we go. Now keep this safe, all right? It’s real important. I’ll be back for it. You understand?”

“Why?”

“Because I need it. How old are you right now?”

“Six and a half.”

“That’s great. Really great. I’ll see you when you’re all grown-up. Look out for me, okay, sweetheart? I’ll come back for you.”

He stands up, dusting his hands against his leg. He walks briskly across the lot, not looking back, limping only slightly.

She watches him cross the road and walk up towards the railway until he disappears into the tree line. She looks at the plastic toy, clammy from his hand, and yells after him. “Yeah? Well I don’t want your stupid horse!”

She chucks it onto the ground and it bounces, once, and comes to land beside her bicycle ferris wheel. Its painted eye stares blankly at the bumblebee, which has righted itself and is dragging itself away over the dirt.

But she goes back for it later. Of course she does.

Oct 092012
 

Eager to get started on Michael Robotham’s newest Joe O’Loughlin novel SAY YOU’RE SORRY, which Kirkus calls “subtle, smart, compelling and blessed with both an intelligent storyline and top-notch writing,” but can’t make it  to Murder By the Book in Houston tonight to meet Michael and hear him read? We’ve got you covered–

My name is Piper Hadley and

I went missing on the last Saturday of the summer holidays three years ago. I didn’t disappear completely and I didn’t run away, which is what a lot of people thought (those who didn’t believe I was dead). And despite what you may have heard or read, I didn’t get into a stranger’s car or run off with some sleazy pedo I met online. I wasn’t sold to Egyptian slave traders or forced to become a prostitute by a gang of Albanians or trafficked to Asia on a luxury yacht.

I’ve been here all along—not in Heaven or in Hell or that place in between whose name I can never remember because I didn’t pay attention at Sunday scripture classes. (I only went for the cake and the cordial.)

I’m not exactly sure of how many days or weeks or months I’ve been here. I tried to keep count, but I’m not very good with numbers. Completely crap, to be honest. You can ask Mr. Monroe, my old math teacher, who said he lost his hair teaching me algebra. That’s bollocks by the way. He was balder than a turtle on chemo before he ever taught me.

Anyone who follows the news will know that I didn’t disappear alone. My best friend Tash was with me. I wish she were here now. I wish she’d never squeezed through the window. I wish I had gone in her place.

When you read those stories about kids who go missing, they are always greatly loved and their parents want them back, whether it’s true or not. I’m not saying that we weren’t loved or missed, but that’s not the whole story.

Kids who blitz their exams don’t run away. Winners of beauty pageants don’t run away. Girls who date hot guys don’t run away. They’ve got a reason to stay. But what about the kids who are bullied or borderline anorexic or self-conscious about their bodies or sick of their parents fighting? There are lots of factors that might push a kid to run away and none of them are about being loved or wanted.

I don’t want to think about Tash because I know it’s going to make me upset. My handwriting is messy at the best of times, which is weird when you consider I won a handwriting competition when I was nine and they gave me a fountain pen in a fancy box that bit my finger every time I closed it.

We disappeared together, Tash and me. That was a summer of hot winds and fierce storms that came and went like, well, storms do. It was on a clear night at the end of August after the Bingham Summer Festival, when the funfair rides had fallen silent and the colored lights had been turned off.

They didn’t realize we were gone until the next morning. At first it was just our families who searched, then neighbors and friends, calling our names across playgrounds, down streets, over hedges and across the fields. As the hours mounted they phoned the police and a proper search was organized. Hundreds of people gathered on the cricket field, dividing up into teams to search the farms, forests and along the river.

By the second day there were five hundred people, police helicopters, sniffer dogs and soldiers from RAF Brize Norton. Then came the journalists with their satellite dishes and broadcast vans, parking on Bingham Green and paying locals to use their toilets. They did their reports from in front of the town clock, telling people there was nothing to report, but saying it anyway. This went on for days on every channel, every hour, because the public wanted to be kept up-to-date on the nothingness.

They called us “the Bingham Girls” and people made shrines of flowers and tied yellow ribbons to lampposts. There were balloons and soft toys and candles just like when Princess Diana died. Complete strangers were praying for us, weeping as though we belonged to them, as though we summed up the tragedies in their own lives.

We were like fairy-tale twins, like Hansel and Gretel or the babes in the wood, or the Soham girls in their matching Man United shirts. I remember the Soham girls because our school sent cards to their families saying our prayers were with them.

I don’t like those old fairy tales—the ones about children getting eaten by wolves or kidnapped by witches. At our primary school they took Hansel and Gretel off the shelves because some of the parents complained it was too scary for children. My dad called them PC Nazis and said next time they’d be saying Humpty Dumpty promoted violence against unborn chickens.

My dad isn’t famous for his sense of humor, but he does have his moments. He once made me laugh so hard I snorted tea out my nose.

As the days passed, the media storm blew through Bingham. Cameras came into our houses, up the stairs, into our bedrooms. My bra was hanging off the doorknob and there was an empty tampon box on my bedside table. They called it a typical teenager’s room because of the posters and my collection of crystals and my photo-booth portraits of my friends.

My mum would normally have gone mental about the house being so messy, but she mustn’t have felt much like cleaning up. She didn’t feel much like breathing by the look of her. Dad did most of the talking, but still came across as a man of few words, the strong silent type.

Our parents picked apart our last days, putting them together from fragments of information like those scrapbooks people make about their newborn babies. Every detail seemed important. What book I was reading: Curious Incident—for the sixth time. What DVD I last borrowed: Shaun of the Dead. If I had a boyfriend: Yeah, right!

Everyone had a story about us—even the people who never liked us. We were cheeky, fun-loving, popular, hard-working; we were straight-A students. I laughed my ass off at that one.

People put a shine on us that wasn’t there for real, making us into the angels they wanted us to be. Our mothers were decent. Our fathers were blameless. Perfect parents who didn’t deserve to be tormented like this.

Tash was the bright one and the pretty one. She knew it too. Always wearing short skirts and tight tops. Even in her school uniform she was striking, with breasts like hood ornaments that announced her arrival. They belonged to a grown woman, a lucky woman, a woman who could model bras or be draped over the bonnet of a sports car at a motor show. She lapped up the attention, rolling the waistband of her skirt to make it shorter, undoing the top button of her blouse.

At fifteen a girl’s looks are pretty fickle. Some blossom and others play the clarinet. I was skinny with freckles, a big old head of tangly black hair, a pointy chin and the eyelashes of a llama. My assets hadn’t arrived, or they’d been delivered to someone who must have prayed harder, or prayed at all.

I was built for speed rather than low-cut dresses and short skirts. Rake-thin, a runner, I was second in the nationals for my age group. My father said I was part-whippet, until I pointed out that likening me to a dog did nothing for my self-esteem. Homely, was my grandmother’s description. Bookish, said my mother. They could have said plain as a pikestaff, but I don’t know what a pikestaff looks like. Maybe I make a pikestaff look good.

Tash was an ugly duckling that blossomed into a swan, while I was the duckling who grew into a duck—a less happy ending, I know, but more realistic. Put another way, if I was an actress in a horror movie, you’d take one look at me and say, “She’s toast.” Whereas Tash would be the girl who gets her kit off in the shower and is rescued in the nick of time and lives happily ever after with the hero and his perfect teeth.

Maybe she deserved that happy ending, because real life hadn’t been such a picnic. Tash grew up in an old farmhouse half a mile from Bingham, along a narrow lane that is just wide enough for single cars or tractors. Mr. McBain rented the farm, hoping to buy it, but he could never raise the money.

I remember my mother saying the McBains were white trash, something I never really understood. A lot of people rent houses and send their kids to public schools, but that doesn’t make them any more fucked up than the rich people living in Priory Corner.

That’s where I used to live, in a house called The Old Vicarage. It used to house the vicar until the church decided it needed even more money and sold off the house and land. The streets of Priory Corner aren’t paved with gold, but our neighbors act as though they should be.

Like everyone else in town, they put up posters in their windows and stickers on their cars after we disappeared. There were candlelight vigils and special masses at St. Mark’s and prayers at school. So many prayers, I wonder how God missed hearing any of them.

You’re probably wondering how I know this stuff about the police search and the vigil. During those first few weeks George let us watch TV and read the newspapers. We were chained up in an attic room with sloping ceilings and a skylight that was stained with birdshit. The room was airless and hot beneath the tiles, but still much nicer than this place. There was a proper bed and an old TV with a coat hanger aerial and a blizzard of static on most channels.

On the third day, I saw Mum and Dad on the screen, looking like rabbits caught in a high beam. Mum wore her black pencil dress by Alexander McQueen and a dark pair of half-pumps. Tash knew the brand. I’m not very good with designer clothes. Mum was clutching a photograph. She’d found her voice and they couldn’t stop her talking.

She listed all the clothes I might have been wearing, as though I might have dropped them like breadcrumbs, leaving a trail for people to follow. Then she paused and stared at the TV cameras. A tear hovered halfway down her cheek and everyone waited for it to fall, not listening to what she said.

Mr. and Mrs. McBain were also at the news conference. Mrs. McBain hadn’t bothered about make-up… or sleeping. She had bags under her eyes and was wearing a T-shirt and an old pair of jeans.

“Like something the cat dragged in,” said Tash.

“She’s worried about you.”

“She always looks like that.”

My dad took a shaky breath, but the words came out clearly.

“Somebody out there must have seen Piper and Tash. Maybe you’re not sure or you’re protecting someone. Please think again and call the police. You can’t imagine what Piper means to us. We’re a strong family and we don’t survive well apart.”

He looked directly into the cameras. “If you took our babies, please just bring them home. Drop them off at the end of the road or leave them somewhere. They can catch a bus or a train. Let them walk away.”

Then he spoke to Tash and me.

“Piper, if you and Tash are watching. We’re coming to find you. Just hold on. We’re coming.”

Mum had panda eyes from her mascara running but still looked like a film star. Nobody poses for a photograph like she does.

“Whoever you are—we forgive you. Just send Piper and Tash home.”

My sister Phoebe was put in front of the cameras wearing her prettiest dress, standing pigeon-toed, sucking on her fingers. Mum had to prompt her.

“Come home, Piper,” she said. “We all miss you.”

Tash’s father had his arms crossed through the whole circus. He didn’t say a word until at the very end when a reporter asked, “Haven’t you got anything to say, Mr. McBain?”

He gave the reporter a death stare and unfolded his arms. Then he said, “If you still have them, let them go. If they’re dead, tell somebody where you left them.”

He folded his arms again. That was it. Two sentences.

Something tore inside Tash’s mum and she made this small, frightened animal sound, like a kitten squeaking in a box.

There were rumors about Mr. McBain after that. People asked, “Where was his emotion? Why did he suggest they were dead?”

Apparently, you’re supposed to quiver and blubber at news conferences. It’s like some unwritten law, otherwise people will think you’ve raped and murdered your daughter and her best friend.

At the end of the questions, my mother held up a photograph of Tash and me. It’s the picture that became famous, the one everyone remembers, taken by Mr. Quirk, our school photographer (he of the wandering hands and minty breath, notorious for straightening collars, brushing skirts and feeling boobs).

In the photograph Tash and I are sitting together in the front row of our class. Tash’s skirt is so short she has to keep her knees together and her hands on her lap to avoid flashing the camera. Flashing the flash, so to speak. I’m next to her with a mop of hair and a fake smile that would make Victoria Beckham proud.

That’s the photograph everybody remembers: two girls in school uniform, Piper and Tash, the Bingham Girls.

No matter what channel you switched on, you could see us, or hear our parents pleading for information. Millions of words were written in the newspapers, page after page about new developments, which weren’t really new and added up to nothing.

At the candlelight vigil Reverend Trevor led the prayers while his wife Felicity led the gossiping. She’s like a human megaphone with a huge arse and reminds me of those dippy birds that rock back and forth, putting their beaks into a glass.

She and the reverend have a son called Damian who should have a cross carved in his forehead because he belongs to the dark side. The little shit likes to creep up behind girls and flick their bra straps. He never did it to me because I’m quicker than he is and I once shoved his asthma inhaler up his nose.

There was standing room only at St. Mark’s for the vigil. They had to put loud speakers outside so people could hear the prayers and the hymns. The only thing missing were the children. Parents were so terrified of more kidnappings that they kept their little ones at home behind locked doors, safely tucked away.

That was the weekend that the grief tourists began arriving. People drove from Oxford and beyond, circling the streets. They went to the church and stared at our school and at The Old Vicarage.

They watched the reporters talking breathlessly to cameras, making nothing into something, picking the scabs off past tragedies, tossing out names like Holly Wells, Jessica Chapman and Sarah Payne, filling a few more hours with rumor and speculation.

Afterwards the tourists drove away looking slightly disappointed. They wanted Bingham to be more sinister, a place where teenagers disappeared and didn’t come home.

1

It’s freezing outside—minus twenty-six degrees in places—extraordinary for this time of year. I felt like Scott of Antarctica when I walked to work this morning across Hyde Park—O’Loughlin of the Serpentine, battling the extremes—although I looked more like a bloated contestant on Dancing on Ice.

The snow began falling four days ago, big wet flakes that melted, refroze and were covered again, stupefying traffic and silencing roads. There aren’t enough snowplows to clear motorways or council trucks to grit the streets. More grit has been needed, literally and figuratively.

Airports have been shut. Flights grounded. Vehicles abandoned. Tens of thousands of people are stranded at terminals and motorway service stations, which look like refugee camps full of the displaced and dispossessed, huddling beneath thermal blankets in a sea of silver foil.

According to the TV weather reports, a dense block of cold air is sitting over Greenland and Iceland, blocking the jet stream from the Atlantic. At the same time winds from the Arctic and Siberia have “turbo-charged” the cold because of something called an Arctic Oscillation.

Normally, I don’t mind the snow. It can hide a lot of sins. London looks beautiful under laundered sheets, like a city from a fairy tale or a sound studio. But today I need the trains to be running on time. Charlie is coming up to London and we’re going to spend four days together in Oxford. This is a father–daughter bonding weekend although she would probably call it something else.

A boy is involved. His name is Jacob.

“Couldn’t you find an Edward?” I asked Charlie. She gave me a look—the one she learned from her mother.

I don’t know much about Jacob other than his brand of underwear, which he advertises below his arse crack. He could be very nice. He may have a vocabulary. I do know that he’s five years older than Charlie, and that they were caught together in her bedroom with the door closed. Kissing, they said, although Charlie’s blouse was unbuttoned.

“You have to talk to her,” Julianne told me, “but do it gently. We don’t want to give her a complex.”

“What sort of complex could we give her?” I asked.

“We could turn her off sex.”

“That sounds like a bonus.”

Julianne didn’t find this funny. She has visions of Charlie succumbing to low self-esteem, which apparently is the first step on the slippery slope to eating disorders, rotten teeth, a bad complexion, tumbling grades, drug addiction and prostitution. I’m exaggerating of course, but at least Julianne turns to me for advice.

We’re estranged, not divorced. The subject is raised occasionally (never by me) but we haven’t got round to signing the papers. In the meantime, we share the raising of two daughters, one of them a bright, enchanting seven-year-old, the other a teenager with a smart mouth and a dozen different moods.

I moved back to London eight months ago. Sadly, I don’t see as much of the girls, which is a shame. I have almost come full circle—establishing a new clinical practice and living in north London. This is how it used to be five years ago when Julianne and I had a house on the border of Camden Town and Primrose Hill. In the summer, when the windows were open, we could hear the sound of lions and hyenas at London Zoo. It was like being on safari without the minivans.

Now I live in a one-bedroom flat that reminds me of something I had when I was at college—cheap, transitory, full of mismatched furniture and a fridge stocked with Indian pickles and chutneys.

I try not to dwell on the past. I touch it only gingerly with the barest tips of my thoughts, as though it were a worrying lump in my testis, probably benign, but lethal until proven otherwise.

I am practicing again. There is a bronze plaque on the door saying JOSEPH O’LOUGHLIN, CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST, with various letters after my name. Most of my referrals are from the Crown Prosecution Service, although I work two days a week for the NHS.

So far today I have seen a cross-dressing car salesman, an obsessive-compulsive florist and a nightclub bouncer with anger management issues. None of them are particularly dangerous, simply struggling to cope.

My secretary, Bronwyn, knocks on the door. She’s an agency temp who chews gum faster than she types.

“Your two-o’clock is here,” she says. “I was wondering if I could leave early today?”

“You left early yesterday.”

“Yes.”

She departs without further discussion.

Mandy enters, aged twenty-nine, blonde and overweight, with terrible skin and eyes that should belong to an older woman. She has been sent to see me because her two children were found alone in a locked flat in Hackney. Mandy had gone clubbing with her boyfriend and slept over at his place. She told police that she felt her daughter, aged six, was old enough to look after her younger brother, four. Both children are fine, by the way. A neighbor found them fluttering like chickens over the biscuit crumbs and feces that dotted the carpet.

Mandy looks at me accusingly now, as though I’m personally responsible for her children being taken into care. For the next fifty minutes we discuss her history and I listen to her excuses. We agree to meet next week and I write up my notes.

It’s just after three. Charlie’s train arrives in half an hour and I’m going to meet her at the station. I don’t know what we’ll do in Oxford on the weekend. I’m due to talk at a mental health symposium, although I can’t imagine anyone showing up, given the weather, but the tickets have been sent (first class) and they’ve booked me into a nice hotel.

Packing my briefcase, I take my overnight bag from the cupboard and lock up the office. Bronwyn has already gone, leaving a hint of her perfume and a lump of chewing gum stuck to her mug.

At Paddington Station I look for Charlie among crowds of passengers spilling from the carriages of the First Great Western service. She’s among the last off the train. She’s talking to a boy who is pushing a mountain bike with all the nonchalance of a Ferrari driver. He’s wearing a duffel coat and is cultivating sideburns.

The boy rides away. Charlie restores a set of white earbuds to her ears. She’s wearing jeans, a baggy sweater and an overcoat left over from the German Luftwaffe.

She offers me each cheek to kiss and then leans into a hug.

“Who was that?”

“Just a guy.”

“Where did you meet him?”

“On the train.”

“What was his name?”

She stops me. “Is this going to be twenty questions, Dad, because I didn’t take notes. Was I supposed to take notes? You should have warned me. I could have written you a full report.”

The sarcasm she inherited from her mother, or maybe they teach it at that private school that costs me so much money.

“I was just making conversation.”

Charlie shrugs. “His name is Christian, he’s eighteen, he comes from Bristol and he’s going to be a doctor—a pediatrician to be exact—and he thinks he might work in the Third World for a while, but he’s not my type.”

“You have a type?”

“Yep.”

“May I ask what your type is?”

She sighs, weary of explaining things. “No girl my age should ever date a boy her parents would approve of.”

“Is that a rule?”

“Yep.”

I take her bag and check the departures board. Our train to Oxford leaves in forty minutes.

“So is there any news I should know about? Any latest developments?”

“Nope.”

“How’s school?”

“Good.”

“Emma?”

“She’s fine.”

I’m interrogating her again. Charlie isn’t a talker. Her baseline demeanor is too-cool-to-care.

We buy sandwiches in plastic triangles and soft drinks in plastic bottles. Charlie puts her headphones back in her ears so I can hear the fuzzy thunga-thunga-twang as we board the train and sit opposite each other.

She has dyed her hair since I saw her last and has an annoying fringe that falls over her eyes. I worry about her. She frowns too often. For some reason she seems compelled to figure out life too early, long before she has the equipment.

The train leaves on time and we pass out of London, the wheels playing a jazz percussion beneath my feet. Houses give way to fields—a landscape frozen into still life, where the only signs of life are smudges of smoke rising from chimneys or the headlights of cars waiting at crossings.

A couple are kissing in the seats across the aisle, locked together. Her leg is pressed between his thighs.

“That’s disgusting,” says Charlie.

“They’re just kissing.”

“I can hear suction.”

“It’s a public place.”

“They should get a room.”

I glance at the couple again and feel a Pavlovian twinge of arousal or nostalgia. The girl is young and pretty. She reminds me of Julianne at the same age. Being in love. Belonging to someone.

Just outside of Oxford, the train slows and stops. The wheels creak forward periodically and then shudder to a standstill. Charlie presses her hand against the carriage window and watches a long line of men move across a snowy field, bent at the waist, as though pulling invisible plows.

“Have they lost something?”

“I don’t know.”

The train nudges forward again. Through the sleet-streaked window I see a police car bogged axle deep in snow on a farm track. A muddy Land Rover is parked on the nearby embankment. A circle of men, figures in white, are erecting a canvas tent at the edge of a lake. Spreading a domed arch over the spars, they fight against the wind, which makes the canvas flap and snap until pegs are driven into the frozen earth and ropes are pulled tight.

As the train edges past, I see what they’re trying to shield. At first it looks like cast-off clothing or a dead animal, but then I recognize the human shape: a body, trapped beneath the ice like an insect locked in clear amber.

Charlie sees it too.

“Was there some sort of accident?”

“Looks like it.”

“Did they fall from a train?”

“I don’t know.”

Charlie presses her forehead to the glass.

“Maybe you shouldn’t look,” I say. “You might have nightmares.”

“I’m not six.”

The train shudders and picks up speed again. Snow swirls like confetti from the roof. For a brief moment, the world has tilted out of true and I feel a sense of growing disquiet. There is a void in the world… somebody not coming home.

Oct 042012
 

Victorian HouseJoe O’Loughlin, protagonist of Michael Robotham’s acclaimed O’Loughlin series, was kind enough to stop by the office today on a connecting flight to Bouchercon, where he’s meeting Robotham to promote his newest, SAY YOU’RE SORRY. We’re happy to report that not only is Joe a beacon of morality in dark times, he’s also a really cool guy, and was kind enough to jot down the below recollection which appeared in the UK edition of his first appearance SUSPECT, but was cut for the US edition.

SAY YOU’RE SORRY, which Kirkus calls “subtle, smart, compelling and blessed with both an intelligent storyline and top-notch writing,” is now available in bookstores everywhere.

Sunday morning is normally my time. I bury myself under the combined weight of four newspapers and drink coffee until my tongue feels furry. But today is different. The calendar says so. My memory serves me well.

Charlie is rugged up in jeans, skivvy and a ski jacket because I’ve promised she can come with me today. After gulping down her breakfast, she watches me impatiently – convinced that I’m deliberately drinking my coffee more slowly.

When it’s time to load up the car, we carry the cardboard boxes from the garden shed, along the side path and put them next to my old Metro. The boxes are so light I can balance three on top of each other. Charlie makes do with one at a time.

Julianne is sitting on the front steps with a cup of coffee resting on her knees.

‘You’re both mad, you know that?’

‘Probably.’

‘And you’ll get arrested.’

‘And that’s going to be your fault.’

‘Why is it my fault?’

‘Because you won’t come with us. We need a getaway driver.’

Charlie pipes up. ‘C’mon, Mum. Dad said you used to.’

‘That’s when I was young and foolish and I wasn’t on the Committee at your school.’

‘Do you realise, Charlie, that on my second date with your mother she was arrested for scaling a flag-pole and taking down the South African flag.’

Julianne scowls. ‘Don’t tell her that!’

‘Did you really get arrested?’

‘I was cautioned. It’s not the same thing.’

There are four boxes on the roof racks, two in the boot and two on the back seat. Fine beads of sweat, like polished glass, are decorating Charlie’s top lip. She slips off her ski jacket and tucks it between the seats.

I turn back to Julianne. ‘Are you sure you won’t come? I know you want to.’

‘Who’s going to post bail for us?’

‘Your mother will do that.’

Her eyes narrow, but she puts her coffee cup inside the door. ‘I’m doing this under protest.’

‘Duly noted.’

She holds out her hand for the car keys. ‘And I’m driving.’

She grabs a jacket from the coat rack in the hallway and pulls the door shut. Charlie squeezes herself between boxes on the back seat and leans forward excitedly.

‘Tell me the story again,’ she asks, as we swing into light traffic along Prince Albert Road, alongside Regent’s Park. ‘And don’t leave anything out just because Mum’s here.’

I tell people that the reason I became a psychologist is because I wanted to know what Julianne was really thinking – but that’s not true. The real reason was great aunt Gracie, who died at the age of eighty, having spent sixty years never setting a foot outside her house.

My maternal grandmother’s youngest sister lived in a grand old detached Victorian house with mini-turrets on the roof, metal balconies and a coal cellar underneath. I used to visit her after school, cupping my hands on the frosted glass of her front door, watching her bustle down the hallway to answer my knock. She would open the door just wide enough to let me slip inside and then close it again quickly.

Tall and almost skeletal, with clear blue eyes and fair hair gone streaky white, she always wore a long black velvet dress, with a string of pearls that seemed to glow against the black material.

‘Finnegan, come! COME! Joseph is here!’

Finnegan was a Jack Russel without a bark. His voice box had been crushed in a fight with a neighbourhood Alsatian. Instead of barking, he huffed and puffed as though auditioning to play the big bad wolf in a pantomime.

Gracie talked to Finnegan like he was a person. She read him stories from the local paper, or asked him questions about local issues. She would nod her agreement whenever he responded with a huff, or a puff, or a fart.

Finnegan even had his own chair at the table and Gracie would slip him morsels of cake and admonish herself in the same breath for ‘feeding an animal from the hand.’

When Gracie poured the tea she half filled my cup with milk because I was too young to have full-strength brew. My feet could barely touch the floor when I sat on the dining chairs. If I sat back, my legs stuck straight out underneath the white lace tablecloth.

Years later, when my feet could reach the floor and I had to bend down to kiss Gracie on the cheek, she continued to add half a cup of milk to my tea. Maybe she didn’t want me to grow up.

Arriving straight from school, she made me sit next to her on the chaise longue, clutching my hand in her own. She wanted to know everything about my day. What I learned in class. What games I played. What fillings I had in my sandwiches. She soaked up the details as though picturing every footstep.

Gracie was a classic agoraphobic – terrified of open space. She once tried to explain it to me – having grown sick of fobbing off my questions.

‘Have you ever been afraid of the dark?’ she asked.

‘Yes.’

‘What did you fear would happen if the lights went out?’

‘That a monster would get me.’

‘Did you ever see this monster?’

‘No. Mum says that monsters don’t exist.’

‘She’s right. They don’t. So where did your monster come from?’

‘Up here.’ I tapped my head.

‘Exactly. I have a monster too. I know he’s not supposed to exist, but he won’t go away.’

‘What does your monster look like?’

‘He is ten feet tall and he carries a sword. If I try to leave the house he’s going to cut my head off.’

‘Are you making that up?’

She laughed and tried to tickle me, but I pushed her hands away. I wanted an honest answer.

Tiring of this conversation, she screwed shut her eyes and tucked loose strands of white hair into her tightly wrapped bun. ‘Have you ever watched one of those horror films where the hero is trying to get away and the car won’t start. He keeps turning the key and pumping the accelerator, but the engine just coughs and dies. And you can see the villain coming. He’s got a gun or a knife. And you keep saying to yourself, “Get out of there! Get out! He’s coming!”

I nod, wide-eyed. ‘Well you take that fear,’ she said, ‘and you multiply it by a hundred and then you’ll know how I feel when I think about going outside.’

She stood and walked out of the room. The discussion had ended. I never raised the subject again. I didn’t want to make her sad.
I don’t know how she lived. Cheques would arrive periodically from a law firm, but Gracie would place them on the mantelpiece, where she could stare at them each day until they expired. I guess they were part of her inheritance, but she wanted nothing to do with her family’s money. I didn’t know the reason… not then.

She worked as a seamstress – making wedding gowns and bridesmaid’s dresses. I would often find the front room draped in silk and organza, with a bride-to-be standing on a stool and Gracie with her mouth full of pins. It was not a place for young boys – not unless they fancied modelling a dress.

The rooms upstairs were full of what Gracie called her ‘collectibles’. By this she meant books, fashion magazines, reels of cloth, cotton bobbins, hatboxes, bags of wool, photograph albums, soft toys and a treasure trove of unexplored boxes and trunks.
Most of these ‘collectibles’ had been recycled or purchased by mail order. The catalogues were always open on the coffee table and each day the mailman brought something new.

Not surprisingly, Gracie’s view of the world was rather limited. The TV news and current affairs programs seemed to magnify conflict and pain. It was like looking through a fixed telescope at a landscape and glimpsing a dead tree. If that is all one ever sees then it’s possible to surmise that all the trees are dead.

She saw people fighting, wilderness vanishing, bombs falling and countries starving. While these weren’t the reasons that she ran away from the world, they were certainly no incentive to go back.

‘It scares me just seeing how small you are,’ she told me. ‘It’s not a good time to be a child.’ She glanced out the bay window and shuddered as though able to see a terrible fate awaiting me. I only saw an overgrown and unkempt garden with white butterflies flitting between the gnarled branches of the apple trees.

‘Don’t you ever want to go outside?’ I asked her. ‘Don’t you want to look up at the stars or walk along a riverbank or admire the gardens?’

‘I stopped thinking about it a long while ago.’

‘What do you miss most?’

‘Nothing.’

‘There must be something.’

She thought for a moment. ‘I used to love the autumn, just as the leaves turn and begin to fall. We used to go to Kew Gardens and I’d run along the thoroughfares, kicking up the leaves and trying to catch them. The curled leaves would slip from side to side, like miniature boats riding the air until they settled into my hands.’

‘I could blindfold you,’ I suggested.

‘No.’

‘What if you put a box over your head? You could pretend you were inside.’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘I could wait until you were asleep and push your bed outside?’

‘Down the stairs?’

‘Mmmm. Bit tricky.’

She put her arm around my shoulders. ‘Don’t you worry about me. I’m quite happy here.’
From then on we had a sort of running joke. I kept suggesting new ways to get her outside and new pastimes like hang-gliding and wing walking. Gracie would react in mock horror and tell me I was the real lunatic.

*

‘So what about her birthday?’ says Charlie impatiently. We’re driving through St John’s Wood, just passing Lord’s Cricket Ground. The traffic lights gleam brightly against the dullness of the outer walls.

‘I thought you wanted the whole story.’

‘Yes, but I’m not getting any younger.’

Julianne gets a fit of the giggles. ‘She gets the sarcasm from you, you know.’

‘OK,’ I sigh. I’ll tell you about Gracie’s birthday. She never admitted her age, but I knew she was going to be seventy-five because I found some dates by looking through her photo albums.’

‘You said she was beautiful,’ says Charlie.

‘Yes. It’s not easy to tell from old photographs because nobody ever smiled and the women looked plain scary. But Gracie was different. She had twinkling eyes and always looked like she was about to giggle. And she used to cinch her belt a little tighter and stand so the light shone through her petticoats.’

‘She was a flirt,’ says Julianne.

‘What’s a flirt?’ asks Charlie.

‘Never mind.’

She frowns and hugs her knees, resting her chin on the patched knees of her jeans.

‘It was pretty difficult to plan a surprise for Gracie because, of course, she never left the house,’ I explain. ‘I had to do everything when she was asleep…’

‘How old were you?’

‘Sixteen. I was still at Charterhouse.’

Charlie nods and begins pinning her hair up high on her head. She looks exactly like Julianne when she does that.

‘Gracie didn’t use her garage. She had no need of a car. It had big wooden doors that opened outwards, as well as an internal doorway into the laundry. First I cleaned the place up, clearing away junk and washing down the walls.’

‘You must have been very quiet.’

‘I was.’

‘And you put up fairy lights?’

‘Hundreds of them. They looked like twinkling stars.’

‘And then you got the big sack.’

‘That’s right. It took me four days. I had to carry the Hessian sack over my shoulder and ride my bike. People must have thought I was a street sweeper or a park ranger.’

‘They probably thought you were crazy.’

‘Absolutely.’

‘Just like we’re crazy?’

‘Yep.’ I sneak a glance at Julianne, who isn’t biting.

‘What happened next?’ asks Charlie.

‘Well you should have seen the look on Gracie’s face. She came downstairs on the morning of her birthday and I made her close her eyes. She held my arm and I walked her through the kitchen, into the laundry and then the garage. As she opened the door an avalanche of leaves came tumbling out around her waist. “Happy Birthday,” I said. She looked at the leaves and then back at me. For a moment I thought she was angry, but then she gave me this beautiful smile.’

‘I know what happened next,’ says Charlie.

‘Yes. I’ve told you before.’

‘She ran into all those leaves.’

‘Yep. We both did. We threw them in the air and kicked up our knees. We had leaf fights and made leaf mountains. And eventually, we were both so exhausted we collapsed onto a bed of leaves and stared up at the stars.’

‘But they weren’t really stars were they?’

‘No, but we could pretend.’

The entrance to Kensal Green Cemetery is in Harrow Road and is easy to miss. Julianne turns through the large stone gates and follows the signposts to a parking area in a circle of trees as far from the caretaker’s cottage as possible. Glancing out the windscreen, I see neat rows of gravestones intersected by paths and beds of flowers.

‘Is this against the law?’ whispers Charlie.

‘Yes,’ says Julianne.

‘Not exactly,’ I counter, as I start unloading boxes and handing them to Charlie.

‘I can take two,’ she announces.

‘OK, I’ll take three and we’ll come back for the rest. Unless Mum wants to…”

‘I’m fine just here.’ She hasn’t moved from behind the wheel.

We head off, keeping close to the trees at first. Long fingers of lawn stretch between the graves. I walk cautiously, not wanting to tread on any flowers or bark my shins on one of the smaller headstones. The sounds of Harrow Road disappear and are replaced by snatches of bird-song and the periodic roar of intercity express trains.

‘Do you know where we’re going?’ asks Charlie from behind me, puffing slightly.

‘It’s over towards the canal. Do you want a rest?’

‘I’m OK.’ Then her voice takes on a doubtful tone. ‘Dad?’

‘Yes.’

‘You know how you said that Gracie loved kicking up leaves.’

‘Yes.’

‘Because she’s dead, she can’t really kick up these, can she?’

‘No.’

‘I mean, she can’t come back to life. Dead people don’t do that, do they? Because I’ve seen scary cartoons about zombies and mummies that come back from the dead, but that doesn’t really happen, does it?’

‘No.’

‘And Gracie is in Heaven now, isn’t she? That’s where she’s gone.’

‘Yes.’

‘So what are we doing with all these leaves?’

It’s at times like these I normally direct Charlie to Julianne. She sends her straight back to me, saying, ‘Your father is a psychologist. He knows these things.’

Charlie is waiting.

‘What we’re doing is sort of symbolic,’ I say.

‘What does that mean?’

‘Have you ever heard people say, “It’s the thought that counts”?’

‘You always say that when somebody gives me a present that I don’t like. You say I should be grateful even if the present sucks.’

‘Yes, well that’s not quite what I mean.’ I try a new approach. ‘Aunt Gracie can’t really kick up these leaves. But wherever she is, if she’s watching us now, I think she’ll be laughing. And she’ll really appreciate what we’re doing. That’s what counts.’

‘She’ll be kicking up leaves in Heaven?’ adds Charlie.

‘Absolutely.’

‘Do you think she’ll be outside or will Heaven have an inside place.’

‘I don’t know.’

I set my boxes on the ground and unload Charlie’s arms. Gracie’s headstone is a simple square of granite. Someone has left a muddy shovel leaning against the brass plaque. I have visions of gravediggers taking a tea break, but nowadays they use machines instead of muscle. I toss the shovel to one side and Charlie gives the inscription a polish with the sleeve of her ski-jacket. I creep up behind her and dump a box full of leaves on top of her head.

‘Hey! That’s not fair!’ Charlie scoops a big handful and stuffs them up the back of my jumper. Soon there are leaves tumbling all over the place. Gracie’s headstone disappears completely under our autumnal offering.

Behind me somebody loudly clears his throat and I hear Charlie give a little yelp of surprise.

The caretaker is silhouetted against the pale sky, with his hands on his hips and legs akimbo. He’s wearing a pea-green jacket and a pair of muddy Wellingtons that appear to be too big for his feet.

‘Do you mind explaining what you’re doing?’ he asks in a monotone. He steps closer. His face is flat and round with a wide forehead and no hair. It brings to mind Thomas the Tank Engine.

‘It’s a long story,’ I say feebly.

‘You’re desecrating a grave.’

I laugh at how ridiculous he sounds. ‘I hardly think so.’

‘You think this is funny? This is vandalism. This is a crime. This is littering…’

‘Fallen leaves aren’t technically litter.’

‘Don’t play games with me,’ he stutters.

Charlie decides to intervene. With a breathless eloquence, she explains, ‘It’s Gracie’s birthday, but we can’t give her a party because she’s dead. She doesn’t like going outside. We brought her some leaves. She likes kicking up leaves. Don’t worry; she’s not a zombie or a mummy. She’s not going to come back from the dead. She’s in Heaven. Do you think there are trees in Heaven?’

The caretaker looks at her with utter dismay and takes a few moments to realise that her last question is directed at him. Rendered almost speechless, he makes several unsuccessful attempts to speak before his voice deserts him. Having been totally disarmed, he crouches to be at her eye-level.

‘What is your name, Missy?’

‘Charlie Louise O’Loughlin. What’s yours?’

‘Mr Gravesend.’

‘That’s pretty funny.’

‘I guess so.’ He smiles.

He shows me none of the same warmth. ‘Do you know how many years I’ve been trying to catch the bugger who spreads leaves all over this grave?’

‘Thirteen?’ I suggest.

‘I was going to say eleven, but I’ll take your word for it. You see I worked out when you come. I made a note of the date. I nearly caught you two years ago, but you must have come in a different car –’

‘My wife’s.’

‘…And then last year it was my day off – a Saturday. I told young Whitey to watch out for you, but he thinks I’m fixating. He says I shouldn’t get so worked up over a pile of leaves.’

His nudges the offending mound with the toe of his boot. ‘But I take my job very seriously. People come here and try to do all sorts of things like planting oak trees on graves or leaving kid’s toys behind. If we let ‘em do what they like, where will it end?’

‘Chaotically,’ I say, trying to sound sincere.

‘Too bloody right!’ He glances at Charlie and apologises for his language.

I reach into the pocket of my overcoat and produce a thermos and two metal mugs. ‘We were just about to have a hot chocolate. Would you like to join us?’

‘You can use my cup,’ says Charlie.

Mr Gravesend considers this, wondering if the offer can be construed as a bribe. His planning had involved catching me, but didn’t extend any further than that.

‘So it’s come to this,’ he says in a clear soft voice. ‘Either I have you arrested or I have a hot chocolate.’

‘Mum said we’d get arrested,’ pipes Charlie. ‘She said we were mad.’

‘You should have listened to your Mum.’

I hand the caretaker a mug and give the other to Charlie.

‘Happy birthday, Aunt Gracie,’ she says. Mr Gravesend mumbles an appropriate sounding response, still stunned by the speed of his capitulation.
At that moment I notice two boxes approaching, swaying on black leggings and sneakers.

‘That’s my Mum. She’s our look out,’ observes Charlie.

‘Not her strong suit,’ Mr Gravesend replies.

‘No.’

Julianne drops the boxes and lets out a startled squeak, not unlike Charlie’s reaction.

‘Don’t worry, Mum, you’re not going to be arrested again.’

The caretaker raises his eyebrows and Julianne smiles feebly. Hot chocolate is shared around.

‘What happened to Aunt Gracie?’ asks Charlie, eager for the rest of the story. ‘Why wouldn’t she leave the house?’

I glance at Julianne and then at the leaf-strewn grave. My parents never talked about Gracie and couldn’t understand my affection for her. She was like a dropped stitch in our family’s history – the black sheep that nobody talked about. I had to pick up bits and pieces from cousins and distant relations, each with a tiny piece of the puzzle.

Gracie had been a nurse during World War I and fell pregnant to a childhood sweetheart who didn’t return from the fighting. She was seventeen, unmarried, heartbroken and alone.

‘No man wants a woman with a baby,’ her mother told her, as she put her on a train for London.

Gracie glimpsed her baby only once. The good sisters at Nazareth House in Hammersmith erected a sheet halfway down her body to stop her seeing the birth, but she tore it down. When she saw the mewling infant, ugly and beautiful all at once, something broke inside her that no medical doctor could ever fix.

My second cousin Angelina says there are family photographs of Gracie in mental asylums and county hospitals. All I can say for sure is that she moved into her house in Richmond in the early twenties and was still there when I went to university.

I didn’t see her as much after that. I told myself afterwards I was always too busy, but the truth is that I barely ever thought of her, alone in her big house.

My mother called to tell me Gracie had died. I was mid-way through my exams in my third year of medicine – the exams I failed. According to the coroner’s report, the blaze started in the kitchen and spread quickly through the ground floor. Even so, Gracie had ample opportunity to get out.
The firemen had seen her moving around upstairs, before the fire had completely taken hold. They said she could have crawled out of a window onto the garage roof. But if that’s the case, why couldn’t the firemen have gone in the same way and saved her?

All the books, newspapers and magazines fed the flames – along with the tins of fabric paint and bottles of dye in the laundry. The temperatures were so great that her entire rooms of ‘collectibles’ were reduced to a fine white ash.

Gracie had always sworn that they would have to carry her out of there in a pine box. In the end they could have swept her into a dustpan.
My mother phoned me with the news. I was nineteen, finishing my second year at medical school, but knew that I wouldn’t be a doctor. Full of anger and questions, I wanted to know why Gracie had been so frightened of the world. Why did neighbourhood kids throw rocks onto her roof?

Why did society demonise her for falling pregnant? Why did they take away her child?

This is why I became a psychologist. I wanted to understand human behaviour. The questions have never stopped. Why would a middle-class well-educated student of urban design fly a passenger jet into a skyscraper? Why would a schoolboy spray a schoolyard with bullets or a schoolgirl leave her newborn baby in a wastepaper basket at her school prom?

When Hitler ordered the Final Solution and when Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel and when we Mozart wrote his melodies and when my neighbour mows his lawn at six-thirty of a Sunday morning it all comes down to that four pounds of grey matter between our ears.

And what matter it is. A piece of human brain the size of a grain of sand contains one hundred thousand neurons, two million axons and one billion synapses all talking to each other. The number of permutations and combinations of activity that are theoretically possible in each of our heads exceeds the number of elementary particles in the universe. That’s why I became a psychologist – to explore the great unknown.

Michael Robotham’s latest novel SAY YOU’RE SORRY, features Joe O’Loughlin and is now available in bookstores everywhere.

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