Jeff Cohen

Oh, relax. This post isn't about religion.

Having spent the past few weeks revising and then re-revising both a full-length book and a novella (don't ask), and now preparing to stare Book #6 in the Haunted Guesthouse series in the face, I have come to a really disturbing conclusion about my own mind.

I am incapable of remembering what I've written. Well, not all of it, anyway.

Now, this would not be a very serious problem at all if I'd written what we lovingly call "standalones," books that begin and end and are not intended to be continued in any way. But I don't; I write series books. So the characters and their travails are meant to go on for as long as the reading public and the publisher wish for them to do so.

Therein lies the rub, dear reader: I don't always remember what the hell I've written before. So details can get by, and when I decide to write something new, it's inconsistent with what has come before. For CHANCE OF A GHOST, the current novel, in which Alison's father re-enters her life after being dead for five years, it took a half-day of research to find out if I'd ever mentioned his name before, and if so, what it might be.

It's Jack, but that's not the point.

So in a conversation with my editor, the luminous Shannon Jamieson Vazquez, the subject of writing a bible for the series was broached.

A bible, you say? Yes. That's a term probably taken from the television industry, in which the creator of a series writes up all the relevant data about the main character, the premise, all the other charactes and any signficant events, dates, characteristics or opinions ("I hate herring!") that might become relevant, or at least should be consistent, when the next episode in the series is produced. This avoids problems like, for example, having Mr. Spock fall in love with Lt. Uhura, because he's a logical, unemotional Vulcan and that could never happen. It'd just be silly.

So a bible for the Haunted Gueshouse series seems like a very good idea. It would help to centralize all the information about Alison Kerby and her family and friends, to keep facts straight and avoid emails from angry readers (oh, you'd be amazed) who found something on p. 194 three books back that indicates Alison doesn't like to eat tuna fish sandwiches on Wednesdays. And it would help me, going forward, not say things I'll just have to rewrite once the aforementioned Ms. Jamieson Vazquez gets her hands on it, or the proofreader decides to take matters into his/her own hands.

There's just one problem: I don't want to write the bible. Not the one(s) that people like to quote chapter and verse, and not one for my own series.

First, it would require that I re-read each story I've written in the series. I know, you're saying, "Hey, you wrote them, so that's not such a chore," and "it's only four books." Well, the part about the four books forget, because there are also two novellas (one coming in October) and one more book (almost) completely done (coming November 5). So, seven stories altogether.

But the bigger problem is that I cringe at the thought of reading that much of my work all in a row. I see every tiny problem, every line of dialogue I'd write in another way now, every question I had to answer, every silly plot device I thought was a great idea at the time, and every nutty murderer I wrote who really could have solved his/her problem in some other way much more easily. (Not to be too grandiose, but) Picasso probably looked at Guernica and said, "Black and white? What was I thinking?"

Worse, that much reading, even (or perhaps especially) of my own work makes me sleepy. To be fair, if it's the right time of the day, any amount of reading will make me sleepy. About 3 in the afternoon, you can walk up to me with a STOP sign to read, and I'll nod off just before the "O".

Then there's the whole issue of writing down EVERYTHING that might eventually be relevant. How do I know what's going to be relevant two books from now? I don't. So I'll have to write down every possible detail in every sentence. Why not just keep re-reading the books? All I'll have cut out is all the "I"s and the "she said"s. 

There's a certain hubris among authors--we designed these characters, these places, these plots. We have created universes. How dare it be assumed that we can't change whatever we want? Well, it's fine when we remember what we've done before and make choices to change things given the new circumstances we conjure up. If Alison's 11-year-old daughter Melissa has a new friend, that's okay; she doesn't have to spend all her time with Wendy. But if suddenly Alison referred to her daughter as "Melinda," that would be a problem.

So I imagine the bible is an inevitability. But it's not going to happen anytime soon, trust me. Book #6 must come first. 

If I ask you what someone's name was in Book #2, just indulge me. My memory isn't what it used to be.

Jeff Cohen

 I love hearing from readers. Truly, I do. Every one of them, even the ones who send emails to tell you how disappointed they were while reading your book (Really? You had to take time out of your day to inform me of that?). They ask questions, many of them say nice things about the work, and sometimes they try to get you to read their work, something I never do, for legal and otherwise common sense reasons.

But the emails that come in through the account for E.J. Copperman are special. They do pretty much the same things as the others, but the readers who get in touch are dealing with an unknown, as very little personal information on E.J. exists, mostly because there isn't any.

The best part is that they think E.J. is a woman. 

I've posted here before on my delight at that assumption; it means that the illusion is working and the voice of the Haunted Guesthouse novels is authentic enough, which is very pleasing. Much of the credit goes to the series editor, Shannon Jamieson Vazquez, who is a bona fide woman and nudges me back in line when I make Alison sound too guy-y.

But the interesting reactions come when people find out that E.J. is indeed more a man than, you know, not. They are, in some cases, astounded. Again, I take that as a compliment. The questions one gets, however, are a little baffling.

"How can you possibly write from a woman's point of view?"

Roughly half the people on the planet are female. If, as a writer of fiction, I can't imagine their point of view, I had better restrict myself to stories in men's correctional institutions or look for another line of work. 

Spencer Quinn (aka Peter Abrahams, not to spoil your illusion) writes a series of mystery novels in which the narrator is the detective's dog. I'll give you a moment, if you haven't read Chet and Bernie (and you should). A dog. And he's the narrator.

Now, a number of questions might leap to the mind of the astute reader. For example, can the dog type? Does he write these things while his human counterpart is asleep? Has Bernie read the books? Does Chet dictate them to a person who can decipher barking into human English? None of these issues are addressed in the books.

But nobody bats an eye when Quinn/Abrahams writes from the dog's point of view. I write from a female character's viewpoint, and it's amazing? 

I know it's hard to fathom, but I've met a number of women in my life. I'm married to one of them. We've been living together for 26 years.  Another was one of the two people who raised me. I lived in her house for 20 years. Writers observe other people and use what they observe to create fiction. I have observed women. (When I was younger, I observed women a LOT, but I'm married now. To a woman.)

If I wasn't able to at least speculate about what a female human might think in any given situation, I'd be a pretty bad writer. So the astonishment at being able to create believable characters who are women eludes me. 

Of course I can write women. I can write men, or children. Or dogs, if I decide to put my mind to it. I've written beings from other planets (not in books). I've written movie stars. Soldiers. Police officers. Ghosts. Never been any of those things, either. 

It doesn't seem to bother anybody that I can write at least somewhat believable murderers without having killed anyone (that I can discuss). But a woman! Amazing! How does he do it?

I imagine stuff and write it down. That's my job. Thanks for being shocked that I can fool you sometimes; it means I must be doing something right.